Captain's Quarters

[JD400]

Global Capitalism Report (in cows)

Traditions capitalism
– You have 2 cows.
– You sell 1 and buy a bull.
– Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
– You sell them and retire on the income.


American capitalism
– You have 2 cows.
– You sell 3 of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all 4 cows back, with a tax exemption for 5 cows.

The milk rights of the 6 cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all 7 cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns 8 cows, with an option on 1 more.

Sell 1 cow to buy influence with a new president of the United States, leaving you with 9 cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.


French capitalism
– You have 2 cows.
– You go on strike because you want 3 cows.


Japanese capitalism
– You have 2 cows.
– You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce 20 times the milk.
– You then create cute cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.


German capitalism
– You have 2 cows.
– You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.


British capitalism
– You have 2 cows.
– Both are mad.


Italian capitalism
– You have 2 cows, but you don’t know where they are.
– You break for lunch.


Swiss capitalism
– You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
– You charge others for storing them.


Chinese capitalism
– You have 2 cows.
– You have 300 people milking them.
– You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.


New Zealand capitalism
– You have 2 cows.
– That one on the left is kinda cute…