Katanga Mining Limited (KAT)

[Dr_Vonschellan]

Ring Ring
Hijacker Spokesperson: Hello, this is DRC Hijacker's Emporium the main headquarters... please follow us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. What can I do for you?
Joey: Let me talk to the agent code-named Dan.
Hijacker Spokesperson: Hold for a moment please whilst I ring through to the Cayman Islands.
Ring ring... ring ring
Hijacker Spokesperson: Hello.
Joey: What the hell are you doing in the Cayman islands?
Hijacker Spokesperson: Two things. First I am here waiting for this tinpot Dictator Maduro's imminent collapse so I can attend the Chevron/Halliburton (click here) huge celebration reset party which will be the absolute greatest party for all of 2019 scheduled to include the likes of us hard-working government-saving, paradigm-shifting, Good Samaritans. This Venezuelan regime-change party in the Caymans promises to be even better/bigger than the one which could possibly be thrown for the "DRC Reset" perhaps in a few more weeks.
Joey: And what's the second reason?
Hijacker Spokesperson: Second... if you, Felix and your handpicked congressional ask-kissing lapdogs don't establish a reasonable (read Fair) mining royalty/tax rate el pronto then I will be here to sign for the ice cold FedEx package from DRC containing your wiener for the password-resetting machine to unlock all your secret bank accounts locally, after our best Israeli surgeons sew it on the guy impersonating you to the slippery bankers here.
Joey: I have Carter Pewterschmidt patched in on this call. Carter! Is this the story ending that Netflix is planning for the Made-for-TV Movie?
Carter: Well Your Ex-Highness Joey... you do have to admit this is probably the best ending we in TV land could hope for given the way you fudged all the election results.
Joey: Carter, is Kenan Thompson still playing the role of Your Highness Joey?
Carter: Nope. Kenan has decided he wants to play the part of your impersonator in the Cayman Islands fixing to scoop up all the money/gold/diamonds you stole/diverted/pocketed over the last 17 years once the passwords are reestablished.
Joey: Then for my 7 figures salary... who am I playing in the movie?
Hijacker Spokesperson: You're playing your award-winning role now just the way you secretly hoped you would. Smile, you're still on Candid Camera... and do ask your little Mr Happy to smile one more time also.

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