Katanga Mining Limited (KAT)

[Dr_Vonschellan]

Ring Ring (calling Addis Ababa... for follow-up)
Hijacker Spokesperson: Hello, this is DRC Hijacker's Emporium the main headquarters... please follow us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. What can I do for you?
Joey: Let me talk to the agent code-named Dan.
Hijacker Spokesperson: Hold for a moment please whilst I patch you through to Addis Ababa Ethiopia.
Ring Ring
Hijacker Spokesperson: Hello.
Joey: Have you spoken with Carter Pewterschmidt at Netflix regarding the made-for-TV movie?
Hijacker Spokesperson: Yes, I spoke to him about 45 minutes ago.
Joey: Who is going to play Shadary's part?
Hijacker Spokesperson: US Secretary of HUD, Ben Carson.
Joey: Dam, I want to play the role of Your Highness Joey... but at the Martin Fayulu 7 figures salary.
Hijacker Spokesperson: OK, I will pitch you to Carter.
Joey: Excellent. So tell me what's going on Addis Ababa?
Hijacker Spokesperson: I got 455 pre-orders for your shiny-version carved cobalt porn dolls.
Joey: Good good, and...?
Hijacker Spokesperson: And the SADC conference here was a big dud. I guess I am not surprised you got to all the delegates and fattened up their bank accounts before they even sat down to the table. These guys were buying hookers/booze/dope here like water. But, I am sure you gave them IOUs owing to the fact all your offshore money is currently frozen, right?
Joey: You are so very perceptive my dear boy. My IOUs are good for 30 days.
Hijacker Spokesperson: Well, I guess we will have to see just how much "friendship" and nose-holding you actually bought on day 31.
Joey: Now now my good man, I am sure we can settle our differences before Day 30.
Hijacker Spokesperson: Maybe.
Joey: I want to propose we tweak the agreement a little bit more...
1. I play the role of Your Highness Joey in the Netflix Made-for-TV movie.
2. The Israeli plastic surgeons will sew Shadary's huge trombone-shaped twanger on Your Highness after the transplant of the Royal Highness's penis (to reset the secret bank password) is made to the Dick Gregory comedic impersonator who will pretend to be said Royal Highness and travel to the Cayman Islands, Switzerland, and Trump Bank/Screen Door Company in DC for the specific purpose of unlocking the secret off-shore safety deposit boxes. The Royal Highness will get a rhinoplasty like Michael Jackson's first nose job, a chin lift to get rid of the blubbery royal double chin and remove the bags under the royal eyes. The surgeons will also remove 25 pounds of royal fat from the Royal Highness belly and 15 pounds from the Royal Highness ass using liposuction.
3. The Royal Highness will get 31% of the off-shore money expropriated and/or accepted as bribes/kickbacks/grease. 67.5% of the off-shore money/graft will be returned to the DRC treasury to build roads, fresh drinking water wells, schools, infrastructure and hospitals for the nation's fine citizens. 1.5% will go to the hijackers for straightening out this mess, with 20% of that money (ie the 1.0%) going toward setting up more proper secure voting machines for the 2023 election.
4. The Royal Highness will get 3.0 of the 5 padlocked strongboxes filled with gold, cash, carved cobalt voodoo/porn dolls and blood diamonds that was to be smuggled out of the country on election voting-results announcement night.
5. The Royal Highness will get the Presidential escape airplane returned (storage/hangar fees to be paid by the Highjackers).
6. The Royal Highness will get 24 free Ebola cooties wash downs of the fuselage/wings on the air plane anytime... night or day.
7. The Royal Highness will get two cases of 288 vials of the Ruffie mixture Marlena used to knock out the 160 pound captain pilot... the Ruffie concentration will be boosted up high enough to knock out 230 to 300 pound chicks.
8. The Royal Highness will instruct Felix to personally announce to the media (including AP, News24 and Reuters) that his possible new government if certified the winner by the Supreme Court will limit the mining royalty paid to the state to no more than 3.33% for the next 5 years and 3.67% the following 5 years.
9. If the Supreme Court rules the Election results were totally bogus and should be recounted... and Martin should just happen to win outright, then Martin has to agree he will not order me or my entourage put on trial for those niggling pecuniary affairs/violations during the last 17 years.
Hijacker Spokesperson: I will talk to the Hijackers High Council when I get back in town.
Joey: Could you possibly bring one or two of those gorgeous long-neck Danikill hookers with you on your way back here if I give you an IOU now over the phone?
Hijacker Spokesperson: Joey, Joey, Joey... your IOUs are no longer worth the paper they are written on and we both know that. Bye.

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