Ring Ring
Joey: Hello, this is Your Royal Highness, Joey.
Hijacker Spokesperson: Joey I have spoken to the Hijackers High Council and they have a counter proposal for you.
Joey: Let's hear it.
Hijacker Spokesperson:
1. The Israeli plastic surgeons will sew Shadary's huge trombone-shaped twanger on Your Highness after the transplant of the Royal Highness's penis (to reset the secret bank password) is made to the Dick Gregory comedic impersonator who will pretend to be said Royal Highness and travel to the Cayman Islands, Switzerland, and Trump Bank/Screen Door Company in DC for the specific purpose of unlocking the secret off-shore safety deposit boxes. The Royal Highness will get a rhinoplasty like Michael Jackson's first nose job, a chin lift to get rid of the blubbery royal double chin and remove the bags under the royal eyes. The surgeons will also remove 40 pounds of royal fat from the Royal Highness belly using liposuction.
2. The Royal Highness will get 33% of the off-shore money expropriated and/or accepted as bribes/kickbacks/grease. 66% of the off-shore money/graft will be returned to the DRC treasury to build roads, fresh drinking water wells, schools, infrastructure and hospitals for the nation's fine citizens. 1.0% will go to the hijackers for straightening out this mess, with 20% of that money (ie the 1.0%) going toward setting up more proper secure voting machines for the 2023 election.
3. The Royal Highness will get 2.5 of the 5 padlocked strongboxes filled with gold, cash, carved cobalt voodoo dolls and blood diamonds that was to be smuggled out of the country on election night.
4. The Royal Highness will get the Presidential escape airplane returned (less storage/hangar fees).
5. The Royal Highness will get 24 free Ebola cooties wash downs of the fuselage/wings on the air plane anytime... night or day.
6. The Royal Highness will get two cases of 288 vials of the Ruffie mixture Marlena used to knock out the 160 pound captain pilot... the Ruffie concentration will be boosted up high enough to knock out 230 to 300 pound chicks.
7. The Royal Highness must instruct Felix to personally announce on Wednesday to the media (which must include AP, News24 and Reuters) that his possible new government if elected would limit the mining royalty paid to the state to no more than 2.5% for the next 5 years and 4.0% the following 5 years.
Joey: I need to do my goesinstas on that offer
Hijacker Spokesperson: What are goesinstas?
Joey: My goinstas... you know, 2 goesinsta 10 five times... 12 goesinsta 48 four times. Goesinstas.
Hijacker Spokesperson: Oy Vey. OK go do your goesinstas.
Click
AI
