Katanga Mining Limited (KAT)

[Dr_Vonschellan]

Ring Ring
Joey: Hello, this is Your Highness, Joey.
Whom or is it who am I speaking to?
Is this the newly famous-again Wall Street Journal Dapper Dan on the phone?
Hijacker Spokesperson: Joey I have spoken to the hijackers and they have a counter offer for you.
Joey: OK, let's hear it.
Hijacker Spokesperson:
1. You can have Shadary's huge trombone-shaped twanger sewn on by the plastic surgeons from Israel after the transplant of your penis (to reset the secret bank password) is made to the Dick Gregory comedic impersonator who will pretend to be you to travel to the Cayman Islands, Switzerland, and Trump Bank/Screen Door Company in DC to unlock your secret safety deposit boxes.
2. You will get only 26.5% of the money you expropriated and/or accepted as bribes/kickbacks/grease. 72% will be returned to the DRC treasury to build roads, water wells, schools, infrastructure and hospitals for your citizens. 1.5% will go to the hijackers for straightening out this mess you've created and begin setting up proper secure voting machines for the 2023 election.
3. You can immediately have one of the 5 padlocked strongboxes filled with gold, cash, cobalt voodoo dolls and blood diamonds you were trying to smuggle out of the country on election night.
4. You can have your Presidential airplane back.
5. You will get one free Ebola cooties wash down of the fuselage and all the wings on your airplane.
Joey: Hmmmm, when do you need a decision back.
Hijacker Spokesperson: 24 hours will be OK.
Click bzzzzzz