I was in the Express Lane at the store, quietly fuming. Completely ignoring
the sign, the
woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled
high with groceries.
Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward,
looked into the cart and
asked sweetly, "So, which six items would you like to buy?"
Wouldn't it be great if that happened more often?!
***************************************
Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly
neighbor and his wife were told
there would be a 45 minute wait for a table. "Young man, we're both 90
years old," the
husband said. "We may not have 45 minutes." They were seated immediately.
****
The reason congressmen try so hard to get reelected is that they would hate
to have to make a
living under the laws they've passed.
****
All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the
aisle. They reached the
altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed
something in his hand. The
guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the
priest smiled broadly. As her
father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card.
****
Women and cats will do as they please, and men
and dogs should get used to the idea.
****
Three friends from the local congregation were asked, "When you're in your
casket, and friends and
congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to
say?"
Artie said, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine
spiritual leader, and a
great family man." Merle commented, "I would like them to say I
was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in
peoples lives."
Don said, "I'd like them to say, 'Look! He's moving!'"
****
Gary climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.
Looking up, he asks the Lord, " God, what does a million years mean to
you?"
The Lord replies, "A minute." Gary asks, "And what does a million dollars
mean to you?" The Lord replies, "A penny." Gary asks, "Can I have a
penny?"
The Lord replies, "In a minute."
****
A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I
have to talk to you about
it." The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?" The man replied, "My wife is
poisoning me."
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"
The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me.
What should I do?" The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me
talk to her. I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says.
"I spoke to your wife...spoke to her on the phone for
three hours. You want my advice?" The man said yes, and the Rabbi replied,
"Take the
poison!"
