Alkame Holdings Inc (ALKM)

[redwagon]

Just to make sure that I have my facts and timeline straight, I had to compile the Saga of Al Kame for my own benefit, and I just posted here if any new comers may need some accurate background on our company and CEO:

Part (1): Guys, I just got off the phone with Al over at Al Kame's, you know the owner guy. He told me not to tell anyone but the SEC Special Tactical Ops division currently has him pinned down at the Bell Campus and he is throwing Talapia at them to keep them while off screaming, "They are coming SOON!!!" He didn't have a chance to tell me what "they" were, but I am getting nervous that the SEC is shutting them down. Any one else confirm my fears?

Part (2): Breaking News:

I just got a surprise call back this morning from Talapia Al, our fish flinging CEO. He was able to use some sort of new packaging machine Bell has to seal himself in a 55 Gallon drum of Maraschino Cherries and have himself sent back to Las Vegas. Once there he told me he was able to contact a mutual friend of his and Starsky & Hutch. He said this friend would contact us and we are to listen to everything he says. Also he does have the financials in his possession, but unfortunately they are completely soaked through with cherry juice. Once he dries them out, he will hand copy them over and publish them. Straight from the Unicorn's mouth, as god as my witness.

Part (3): Ongoing saga of ALKM CEO. When last we left off, our hero Talapia Al, or as some now refer to him "Maraschino Al," was going to de-juice the 10K's and get them posted ASAP. He just texted me from a burner phone while inside a Bell Foods International shipping container filled with Hot Sauce and Pickled Asparagus headed to an undisclosed location. He kept it brief in case he was being surveilled. He said the SEC Special Forces are hot on his heels. He tried to reason with them over the phone, but they said that they are shutting down all OTC stocks as quickly as they can for not being current in their filings, no negotiations period. He panicked and hung up the phone when he heard the rotors on the attack choppers and that's when he fled. He is low on oxygen in the shipping container but assures me he has enough O2 stored in several cases of Alkame water to make it through until he arrives at where ever he is headed. Let us pray for Asparagus Al that he is safe in his travels until he can post the financials. I will immediately post when/if he contacts me again. GLTA

Part (4): Got a voicemail from our beleaguered CEO Mr. Kame. I feel terrible that I missed him, but nature calls (I mean you only rent Alkame water, am I right or what? ). Anyway, he sounded very upbeat and maybe a little drunk? I think he said something about a case of BG Reynolds cocktail mixers he found in the shipping container when they opened it up, and I distinctly heard a crowd of people, glasses clinking and I am pretty sure a steel drum playing some Caribbean music in the background. He said "No Worries Mon," and mentioned casually that he wasn't exactly sure where the only existing copy of the 10K's were, but he was confident they would turn up by the end of the 3 day weekend. I got a good feeling, hope you all do too. It sounds like the filing will definitely take place this coming Tuesday. "WALK GOOD!" (means take care in Jamaica).

Part (5): I just Face Time'd with Island AL, and he did the most amazing and self-sacrificing thing over the holiday weekend for all of us shareholders. While he did admit to losing the original juice soaked 10K's during a drunken parasailing adventure, he was able to sober up and have the entire document tattooed, from memory, all over his body by a very talented (and comely - his words) tattoo artist. It took nearly 3 days to complete, but he was able to show me via Face Time that he indeed used EVERY part of his body. I can't say that I could read any of it over the phone, because it was very small lettering, the definition on our call was poor, and most of all, you all know how hairy Al is. He was just showering up at his hotel and is going to submit himself (as the first and only every "Living 10K") to the SEC at the US Embassy today. He hopes that they accept him and then he will post it online right away. He says that it will not be available as a .pdf, but will be a series of .jpeg's that we can view. I was interested in the 2017 10K, but after he indicated where it was printed, I will just skip to the 2018 10Q. There it is, the conclusion of the saga of; "Al Kame and the Elusive Filings." Congrats to all longs!!!! $ $ALKM$$$

Al, I know I speak for all of us when I say thank you for your dedications to the shareholders of your company.

Part (6): Al, "Mr. 10K" or "Mr. Gold" as he has become to be known just texted me a quick note on his way to the Embassy, saying that he tried posting some pictures of the 10K to the Alkame Facebook page, but they were pulled down by Facebook, because the important bits all included portions of his nether regions which were unfortunately visible in all of the relevant verbiage. He also dropped a hint at the newest creation that he says will turn the H2O world on its head. All he wrote was: "Dehydrated Water!!!" Not sure what that means, but I am all in!!!

Part (7): I have been looking into this "Dehydrated Water" thing that Mr. Kame hinted at, and I think it will be HUGE!!! Just imagine instead of carrying around a big, bulky, heavy bottle of water everywhere you go, you just have a small packet of Dehydrated Water. All you need to do is shake the contents of the packet into a glass or bottle of water, and BOOM!!!, instant water. This is insane how simple this is. It is like the paper clip, sure now it seems like an everyday item, but some one had to invent it from scratch. Here we are, ALKM shareholders, on the ground floor of the greatest invention to ever in the world of H2O and people are going back and forth about .0001 price changes. We are all about to become Paper Clip Millionaires!!!!

Go ALKM!!!!

God Bless you Al.

Part (8): Guys, guys. You are making a tense situation for Al, who is currently in SEC custody, even more stressful. Since Al has been deemed a flight risk, as well as BEING the only copy of financials in existence, he has had his phone taken away and has limited internet access while he awaits transport back to the US. He was however able to utilized the private message on iHub to let me know that he is saddened by all the infighting that the financial have caused on this board. He reminds us that they/he will be published as soon as the SEC judges give him the OK. He says Hugs are better than fighting. He reminds us that there is no sense beating a dead unicorn. We ultimately all want the same thing. He said with patience we will all be rewarded. He also gave me a second clue as to the new product: “Powdered Water.” I think it may be the brand name of the new Dehydrated Water product he alluded to earlier?

Peace, Love, Hugs, and Financials to All!!!!

Part (9): Who is this Eakle guy everyone is talking about? Our CEO’s name is Mr. Al Kame. Get your facts straight. Sheesh.

Part (10): Coincidence that you asked, I just got off the phone with our Hero and Savior Mr. Kame. He told me that tomorrow, Thursday 5/31/18, that the 10K will be released and available for the public. Apparently between a rather nasty sunburn coupled with the redness from all of the tattoo needle work, the SEC was unable to take official photos of the 10K on his body. He has been soaking for the last 18 hours in a tub of burn balm that the SEC's Laboratory has put together (consisting of Aloe Vera, Aveno Bath powder, calamine lotion, and some other undisclosed ingredients) and says that they should be able to get clear shots of the 10K this afternoon. He promised me, once out, that the impact of the news that he has been holding back will change not only the course of History, but the physical chemistry of the universe. He claims they will rename Thursday to "Thirstday" and the impact of the news will change both the rotation of the Earth and its orbit around the Sun; resulting in "Thirstday" having 26 hours, each with 65 minutes per hour. At first I thought the "undisclosed ingredients" were getting to his head, but after he explained further, I really began to believe that he was not loopy, but seeing clearer than any one else. That is why "Mr. Al O Vera" is the one to lead us to the promised land. He also said "No Reverse Split."

Part (11): Below is an image of Big Al in the buff (side view) that he emailed me right after the balm soaking. If you can make it out, I think there a whole detailed explanation of how the Bell / Alkame merger took place just under his right "cheek"


Scroll down if you are over 18.


















Part (12): I have had radio silence so far today from Al, but I expect that is normal since the auditors need time to verify that his tattooed 10K is accurate since it was copied over on to Al himself. Waiting patiently.....

Part (13): I believe that the multiple part series of “The Life and Times of Mr. Al Kame,” published within this message board has more veracity and validity than this fictional story.

Talapia Al was here!!!!!

Part (14): Where in the world is Al Kame? Simple answer I don’t exactly know. As of today all I can say is that he being held against his will by some ex KGB militia. The reason that I know this is that they contacted me a few hours ago by phone. Apparently they grabbed Al right before he was documented by the SEC. This terrorist group had the gall to kidnap Al right out of the maximum security SEC secret headquarters. Somehow they got wind of the new “powdered water” technology that Al has invented, and the want it for themselves. This explains why we did not see the financials come over the wire last Friday. They contacted me because of my recent interactions with Mr. Kame. To this point Al has held up against a vast array of the ghastliest torture techniques they could throw at him. They even tried waterboarding him, but he just laughed as he oxygenated the water with his patented process. I pleaded with them to let him go, if only so that he could be submit the 10K, but he refused. I then asked the caller if he had a chance to read the 10K’s, to which he replied that he had. I said that there were many of us investors that wanted to know what the 10K’s said, he chuckled in a deep voice and only said, “It looks like our friend has been busy boy lately.” He told me that he would spare Al a lot of pain if I would only tell him the formula for the “aqueous dehydration formula.” I told him I didn’t know anything, I told him I was just a bag holder of the stock and needed desperately to have the company get current. He wasn’t convinced, and said that he contact me again soon if Al didn’t break. I will admit I am really scared! What if they destroy our 10K by chopping up the body if they have to dispose of it. My fingers are crossed.

Part (15): Good new bad news situation here. Good news is in true Talapia Al style, our hero has managed to escape the clutches of the Russian Terrorist Organization; Bad news, he has been forced into hiding not knowing who to trust. I received a long email that was bounced off several different routers around the world and encrypted. The gist of it was, in a very Tony Stark/Iron Man fashion, Comrade Al was forced to replicate the Dehydrated Water process in a make-shift lab provided by the Russians in an old abandoned power plant. Using his incredible CEO training, he gave the Russians a list of ingredients that he would need to create the powdered water. He then, under the guise of cooperating with them, created a "derivative" of his Mr. Jalapeno sauce, but concentrated it down 1000 times into a very fine powder. When the Russians came to claim it (thinking it was the powdered H2O) he mixed it with some pickling spices and created a massive Pepper Explosion that rendered all (but himself, having been immune to Mr. Jalapeno's spiciness many years before) blind and unable to breathe. He then fled, stealing a helicopter that, in true Russian style, crash landed only 30 miles away. He sprung from the wreckage mostly in tact and made his way through the wilderness until finding a shrimp hatchery in the Rocky Mountains where he is holed up now. He plans to make his way to a place in Idaho, and then over to Oregon where he says that he has a Secure and Direct link to the SEC. This roller coaster regarding the 10K's is becoming too much for my nerves. As always, Al our thoughts and prayers go with you (as well as our money).

Dasvidania for now Mr. Al Apeno!!!!

Part (16): You guys are discounting the Russian / Facebook connection!!! The Russians know that Al Kame is currently on the run. They are using Facebook to misinform investors, making it difficult for him to operate the company while in hiding. They are trying to frustrate us investors with this talk of "Soon" and "the next few days" so that no one will offer him shelter while he is on the run. The financials are done! We just need to get Mr. Kame to his Secret Lair in Oregon so he can get the 10K's filed. I am going to start a Crowd Funding Page for him, you can all send in whatever you can afford to give. I promise all proceeds will go to help Jalapeno Al reach his destination, and none of it will go to buy more ALKM in my account. Scout's Honor.

Part (17): I still don't have any idea who this Eakle guy is, but I like the way he defends Mr. Kame and his company. Don't take any "S" from crying nobodies on Facebook et al!!!!!! We are not going to be just RICH, we are going to be Al Kame RICH!!!!!!

Part (18): I don't know if any of you are old enough to remember way back when, when Al Kame played college football for the Aqua State Investors. But the activity of these financials reminds me of the big game back in '72. It was the 17th annual Water Bowl, and Al and Aqua State had possession of the ball, down 4 points with seconds left on the clock. They were on the Whiny Bears' 7 yard line and it was 4th and Goal. During their last time out, the stadium of nearly 60,000 raging investors was screaming, "Give it to the Phoenix!!! Give it to the Phoenix!!!" Which of course you all know was Al's nickname at running back. Well, everything began fine as they snapped the ball, but as the quarterback turned to hand it off to Al, the right guard's foot tangled with quarterback's foot and the exchange was fumbled. The ball bounced free and deeper into the backfield. It looked like that was it for Aqua State. But NO!!! quick a lightning Al reversed his step, circled back and scooped up the ball. At this point it was pandemonium. The offensive line had broken down and Al was back on the 20 yard line with no hope in sight. Did that stop our future CEO?, not on your life. He slipped, juked, and leapt over would be tacklers. Finally he burst over the goal line like a fiery bird resurrecting itself from the ashes to win the game for the Investors. While the crowd and his team were chanting, "PHOENIX!!! PHOENIX!!!" Al was over talking to the head cheerleader about the benefits of alkaline and oxygenated water. That is the kind of CEO we got people. I have not heard from AL in a couple of days, but as always I remain hopeful. If I hear, I will immediately post here.

Part (19): Guys, I really believe that the Facebook post is a gift to us from Mr. Kame for the long wait we all endured. A heads up at a last chance to get in low. I bought 4 million more at the ask. I need to slow down though, I already have near 7 times what I planned to buy.

BTW the Facebook post coincides with a PM I just got from “No Stress” Al. It simply said, “what was once just a mill stream, is now a hydroelectric power plant.” I am still trying to decipher it, Al can be so cryptic.

Part (20): Here is a rare shot of our CEO Mr. Al Kame. If you click the YouTube Link below it will take you to a short video taken from one of his board meetings. At about 3:20 in, you will see him give a demonstration of a new invention that he will be introducing in the next few weeks. It just shows you how much this man loves water.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bIfMAhK7Boo

I am sorry, but this DD puts all the rest to shame.

Part (21): I’ve got one word for you that should have you quaking in your DD boots, “Hydrotechnics.” What are Hydrotechnics you ask? Well it is an art/industry highly prized by the cinematic world i.e. Hollywood. For many years Mr. Al Kame has worked behind the scenes on many of the biggest grossing motion pictures in the world as the number one Hydrotechnician around. Do films like, “Titanic,” “The Shape of Water,” “Waterworld,” and “Rainman” ring any bells for you? I can’t post all of the pictures since I am away from my computer and am using my iPhone.

Part (22): In my relentless search for the truth and DD, I have discovered that DC’s Aquaman was based on the early life and adventures of Al Kame. See this excerpt from DC Wikia:

In the first version during the Golden Age, Aquaman's first origin story was presented in flashback from his debut, narrated by the character himself:

“The story must start with my father, a famous undersea explorer — if I spoke his name, you would recognize it. My mother died when I was a baby, and he turned to his work of solving the world's secrets. His greatest discovery was an ancient city, in the depths where no other diver had ever penetrated. My father believed it was the lost kingdom of Atlantis. He made himself a water-tight home in one of the palaces and lived there, studying the records and devices of the race's marvelous wisdom. From the books and records, he learned ways of teaching me to live under the ocean, drawing oxygen from the water and using all the power of the sea to make me wonderfully strong and swift. By training and a scientific secrets, I became what you see — a human being who lives and thrives under the water.”

-Aquaman

Too spooky how it mirrors Al’s life. Note the red section. It turns out that the name “Aquaman” actually translates to mean “Water” Man.

Food for thought....

Part (23): Everybody, I just got the cypher for the latest Facebook post “Happy Weekend ” from Mr. Kame. I will give you the answer and the meaning after I break it down step by step. The color patterning is significant, and the Smiley Face is Key (and the fact that the left eye is blinking is very telling). Firstly, there are multiple layers of meaning. The obvious one is that Al Kame wants us to have a “Happy” Weekend, which is very considerate of him. But by using the special Decoder sequence he provided and the “don’t stress” emphasis, it all came together. Happy Weekend is a cryptogram when solved, and the letters are rearranged, it actually spells out: “Who wants Ice Cream?” Still confused, well you are not alone. What does Ice Cream have to do with our company? Follow along and we will discover together. Now focus on the “STRESS” in the “Don’t stress” portion of the message. “STRESSED” is “DESSERT” spelled backwards!!! Ice Cream is a great dessert. Couple that with the hint Al gave us several weeks back, “It’s perfect on a summer day.” ICE CREAM is perfect on a summer day! It does not stop there, you all have seen the update to the Bell Facebook page I am sure. The glimpse of the new machine. Well I have it in authority that that is the largest full scale Soft Serve Ice Cream Dispenser on the west coast. Yes it does Chocolate, Vanilla, and a combo Swirl!!! Can you imagine how much Ice Cream they can sell year round in the Pacific Northwest alone? This will not be just any Ice Cream, it will be CBD fortified (THC as well in the future), and we could sell it for as much as $3.00 per cone ($3.50 if chocolate dipped). The Blue, Orange, Yellow and Green will be available as Sprinkles for an additional $0.25 as an add-on. The “Wink” of the left eye lets of customers know that there is a little something extra in there for them. In addition to the cypher, Al updated me on his current location, but not where he is headed as to keep ahead of the Russian Mob (who not only wants revenge, but also the formula for Al’s Powdered Water) and the SEC Tactical Fugitive Retrieval Division. Creamery Al is doing all he can to get to a safe location to upload the body shots of the 10K’s. He says “Good things are coming,” and I know he means it.