Subject: Teacher arrested
NEW YORK -- A public school teacher was arrested today at John F.
Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while
in possession of:
1. A ruler
2. A protractor
3. A set square
4. A slide rule
5. A calculator
At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez
said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra
movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the
FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
"Al-gebra is a problem for us." Gonzalez said. "They desire
solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in
search of an absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and
'y' while referring to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have
determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of
medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer
Isosceles used to say; "There are 3 sides to every triangle".
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God
had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would
have given us more fingers and toes.
