Tuesday, July 18, 2017 7:47:39 PM
Mitch McConnell Hospitalized with Low White-Vote Count
Photograph by Win McNamee / Getty
“And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for you meddling Democrats, conservatives, moderates, the C.B.O. report, insurance companies, common decency . . .”
[ http://www.newyorker.com/cartoons/daily-cartoon/tuesday-july-18th-mad-mitch-mcconnell-health-bill ]
By Andy Borowitz
July 18, 2017
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report [ http://www.newyorker.com/contributors/andy-borowitz ])—Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell was rushed to the hospital late Monday night with what doctors diagnosed as a low white-vote count.
Doctors at Walter Reed Army Medical Center said that when McConnell arrived at the facility his white-vote count had fallen below fifty and he had gone into shock.
Dr. Harland Dorrinson, a physician at Walter Reed who is monitoring McConnell’s condition, called his low white-vote count “very serious.”
“Mitch McConnell needs a white-vote count of at least fifty in order to function,” he said. “If it falls below fifty and stays there for an extended period of time, he cannot survive.”
Efforts to boost the Senate Majority Leader’s white-vote count have so far proved fruitless, as doctors acknowledged that they have been unable to find additional white votes that are compatible with McConnell.
McConnell was first rushed to Walter Reed after showing symptoms commonly associated with a low white-vote count, including a feeling of hopelessness and uncontrollable sobbing.
© 2017 Condé Nast
http://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/mitch-mcconnell-hospitalized-with-low-white-vote-count
Photograph by Win McNamee / Getty
“And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for you meddling Democrats, conservatives, moderates, the C.B.O. report, insurance companies, common decency . . .”
[ http://www.newyorker.com/cartoons/daily-cartoon/tuesday-july-18th-mad-mitch-mcconnell-health-bill ]
By Andy Borowitz
July 18, 2017
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report [ http://www.newyorker.com/contributors/andy-borowitz ])—Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell was rushed to the hospital late Monday night with what doctors diagnosed as a low white-vote count.
Doctors at Walter Reed Army Medical Center said that when McConnell arrived at the facility his white-vote count had fallen below fifty and he had gone into shock.
Dr. Harland Dorrinson, a physician at Walter Reed who is monitoring McConnell’s condition, called his low white-vote count “very serious.”
“Mitch McConnell needs a white-vote count of at least fifty in order to function,” he said. “If it falls below fifty and stays there for an extended period of time, he cannot survive.”
Efforts to boost the Senate Majority Leader’s white-vote count have so far proved fruitless, as doctors acknowledged that they have been unable to find additional white votes that are compatible with McConnell.
McConnell was first rushed to Walter Reed after showing symptoms commonly associated with a low white-vote count, including a feeling of hopelessness and uncontrollable sobbing.
© 2017 Condé Nast
http://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/mitch-mcconnell-hospitalized-with-low-white-vote-count
Greensburg, KS - 5/4/07
"Eternal vigilance is the price of Liberty."
from John Philpot Curran, Speech
upon the Right of Election, 1790
F6
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