Diversified Oil and Gas Holdings (DVFI)

[Apophis]

Council complaint letters (In Britain, Council is like the housing authority)

These are genuine clips from council complaint
letters...

My bush is really overgrown round the front and my
back passage has fungus growing in it.

He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house
and I just can't take it anymore.

It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.

I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has
backfired and burnt my knob off.

I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very
badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

And their 18 year old son is continually banging his
balls against my fence.

I wish to report that tiles are missing from the
outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them
off.

My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming
away from the wall.

Will you please send someone to mend the garden path.

My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster
and 50% are plain filthy.

I am still having problems with smoke in my new
drawers.

The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children
until it is cleared.

Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is
a funny colour and not fit to drink.

Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in
three pieces.

The man next door has a large erection in the back
garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and
would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.

I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and
would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me
every night.

Please send a man with the right tool to finish the
job and satisfy my wife.

I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six
times but I still have no satisfaction.

This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is
broke and we can't get BBC2.