Tell them the company owns a mailbox. This is where all investors monies go. The owner of the mailbox name keeps changing to protect his true identity from the Postal inspectors. The money is picked up twice a week and no one knows what happens from there. Its a very simple way of investing. No need to worry about numbers because there are no books, no business. You never have to worry about a bad quarter because there is nothing to report. Not even a PR to cause downside of upside movements. Just signal to your broker when you want to place a buy order and he'll take care of the rest. There is even more, the selling aspect of it has been taken out of their hands too. You never have to worry about when to sell because there is nothing to sell.hahahahahahaha!
For a Bailout, Press 'One', If you're a bank press 1, If a brokerage firm, press or say 2