Elite Pharmaceuticals Inc (ELTP)

[WeeZuhl]

Dear WeeZuhl,

Ever since ADF OxyContin was released, I have been injecting heroin on a daily basis. I have a job and can support my habit, and I have plenty of experience and know my limits. But they don’t sell the stuff at McDonald’s, and I cannot always get it from a safe, reliable source. Now there is an epidemic of heroin overdose deaths because of unknowingly using heroin that has been laced with much more powerful and deadly fentanyl. Today my pharmacist told me the naloxone injector I carry to prevent opioid overdose will cost $4500 instead of $700. What should I do?

Signed,
Priced Out of Overdose Protection

http://www.forbes.com/sites/robertglatter/2017/01/31/kaleo-hikes-price-of-opioid-overdose-antidote-evzio-from-690-to-4500/#f82b7fc68cdf

Jan 31, 2017
Kaleo Hikes Price Of Opioid Overdose Antidote Evzio From $690 To $4,500

But here we are again—now with Kaleo’s novel handheld talking auto-injector Evzio, designed to reverse opioid overdoses, increasing in price from $690 in 2014 to $4,500 in 2017, according to a recent report by Kaiser Health News.

Dear P.O.O.P.,

Don’t be a dumbass. Only idiots pay $4500 for opioid overdose protection! You can make your own WeeZuhl-brand Opioid Overdose Protection (“Oops”) Nasal spray for just a few dollars! Although WeeZuhl-brand Oops Nasal Spray has never been tested in any way, it SHOULD work! And let’s face it, P.O.O.P., as a regular heroin injector, you’re probably not a big stickler for generally-accepted standards of safety and efficacy. Now let’s get busy. You’ll need a few supplies. You need one 3.5 ounce bottle of saline nasal spray (~$5) and two tablets of Elite Pharmaceuticals generic naltrexone 50mg (~$2/tab. You’ll need a prescription for these).

Now P.O.O.P., crush the naltrexone tablets into a fine powder in a small dish. Open the saline sprayer and pour the entire amount into the dish and mix until the powder is completely dissolved, then put the naltrexone solution back into the sprayer. Now put the bottle back together and label it, “Oops.”

The naltrexone is easily-soluble in aqueous solution and is more rapidly absorbed from nasal mucosa than $4500 Evzio is absorbed from intramuscular injection. WeeZuhl-brand Oops Nasal Spray costs less than $10 and with a naltrexone concentration of 1mg/mL, it should deliver approximately 0.5mg naltrexone with each spray. In the event of a suspected opioid overdose, an educated bystander would administer 1 spray in each nostril every 30 seconds until there is a response. (IMPORTANT NOTE: Unlike $4500 Evzio, $10 WeeZuhl-brand Oops Nasal Spray DOES NOT TALK.)

And P.O.O.P., here’s another fun fact: once you kick the heroin habit, you should still carry WeeZuhl-brand Oops Nasal Spray every day. Sometimes your brain can be kind of a dick. Your brain is highly-adept at convincing you to buy some heroin Just One More Time. When your dick brain starts saying crap like that, then you hit the Oops Nasal Spray a few times, and you just totally screwed your brain. There will be no opioid catharsis for you for 12-24 hours, no matter what your dick brain says.

So P.O.O.P., don’t be a heroin addict AND a chump. $4500 Evzio vs. $10 WeeZuhl-brand Oops Nasal Spray is a no-brainer. But remember! Any kind of opioid overdose protection system will only work if you use the Buddy System, and if your buddy is a heroin-addled dufus who does not know what to do then you are still dead. Good luck!

Love,
WeeZuhl




Sources:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3668569/
http://www.sigmaaldrich.com/Graphics/COfAInfo/SigmaSAPQM/SPEC/N3/N3136/N3136-BULK________SIGMA____.pdf
https://www.goodrx.com/naltrexone?form=tablet&dosage=50mg&quantity=30&label_override=
http://www.accessdata.fda.gov/drugsatfda_docs/label/2013/018932s017lbl.pdf