Ok - since we're not into the market these days,
how about some humor????
Life Reflections by George Carlin
>
> 1. Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves
> your groin unprotected.
>
> 2. I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no
> pain, no pain.
>
> 3. I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
>
> 4. I'm desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze
> pilots wore helmets.
>
> 5. Do illiterate people get the full effect of
> alphabet soup?
>
> 6. I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should
> have been more specific.
>
> 7. Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets
> mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out
> thewindow?
>
> 8. Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone
> going faster than you is a maniac?
>
> 9. You have to stay in shape. My mother started
> walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we have
> no
> idea where she is.
>
> 10. I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When
> I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody
> stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
>
> 11. One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental
> illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
>
> 12. They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've
> got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
>
> 13. Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you
> it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my
> wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
>
> 14. A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and
> said, "Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" I Said" I
>didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you
> too".
>
> 15. Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library,
> the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore
>