Subject: Thank you.
I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one
about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I
now have to use a wet towel with every envelope
that needs sealing.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to
a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in
the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will
change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill
Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for
participating in their s pecial e-mail program.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have
363,214 angels looking out for me, and St.
Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are
actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or
feathers.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even
though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only
get answered if I forward an email to seven of my
friends and make a wish within five minutes.
I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove
toilet stains.
I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man
along to watch the car so a serial killer won't
crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the
people who make these products are atheists who
refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup
water in the microwave anymore because it will
blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones
because I could be pricked with a needle infected
with AIDS.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone
will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx
since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
I no longer shop at Target since they are French
and don't support our American troops or the
Salvation Army.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will
ask me to dial a number for which I will get a
phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,
Singapore, and Uzbekistan & Bum-F Egypt!
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman
Marcus since I now have their recipe.
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but
mine because a big brown African spider is lurking
under the seat to cause me instant death when it
bites my ass.
And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick
up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it
probably was placed there by a sex molester
waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
Oh, and don't forget this one either! I can no
longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from
certain gas companies!
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000
people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with
diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this
afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest
your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I
know this will happen because it actually happened
to a friend of my next door neighbor's
ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's
beautician...
Have a wonderful day....
-----------
New Study
A South American scientist from Argentina, after a
lengthy study, has discovered that people with
insufficient brain and sexual activity read their
e-mail with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late!
