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A Jonah for Today
By Paul E. Luthman

DO YOU know Jonah? I mean, really know him? Not the whale of a fish story Jonah, but the bigot, the pot-bellied, loudmouthed Archie Bunker Jonah?

Jonah was a businessman; a plumbing contractor; a patriot; a veteran of the big one-WW II. (So what if he spent the whole war peeling potatoes in Texas?) He was a good plumber … even if he did cut corners here and there. He drove a pick-up truck with a shotgun in the back window and with one of those neat bumper stickers on the back, "God, guns, and guts made America free. Keep all three." He employed four blacks. Jonah still calls them "niggers," but he paid them good as long as they showed up for work. Jonah went to church every Sunday.

Life was pretty good for Jonah. But then one day, the preacher asked Jonah to volunteer his services to help rehabilitate a housing project in the big city. Now Jonah liked the preacher (he had really been a big help when his son had tried to go hippie on him, so he owed the man a favor . .. but that was asking for too much). Instead of saying "No" outright, Jonah decided to take his first vacation in thirteen years, on a cruise to Bermuda-but danged if the boat didn't sink to the bottom of the harbor-right in front of Jonah-just before he stepped on board, and he had to cancel the trip.

So the preacher said, "Now that you have two weeks on your hands, you can help us on the inter-city project, praise the Lord …" and Jonah didn't know how to bow out gracefully, so he mumbled and he grumbled, but he said, "Okay."

Jonah worked hard for two weeks (he had his pride), but he never lost a chance to make caustic comments. As he replaced broken toilets, he said things like, "This is a waste of time, they don't know how to use them anyway." While rerunning copper pipes which had been ripped out and sold, he made bets on how long the new stuff would last before the junk dealer got it. Behind their backs (but not in too low a voice), the tenants were variously described as bookers, and junkies, and welfare bums. But Jonah had pride, and he did his job.

After two weeks, Jonah was done plumbing, and the painters were done painting, and the carpenters were done hammering … and Jonah said, "Now let's see how long it lasts before they screw it all up." And

Jonah sat out in his pick-up truck to watch the natives tear the building apart.

Someone stole Jonah's tires one day while he was napping, but other than that, nothing happened. The people were so glad to have a decent place to live that they took care of their building. They didn't even let the winos sleep in the stairwells anymore. And that made Jonah mad. He went back to the preacher and complained, "They just wanted something for nothing. They could have done it themselves. If they were smart enough to steal my tires, they're smart enough to do their own plumbing." And for five years, Jonah complained about the "damned niggers" who stole his tires, and he refused to admit that the people were taking care of their housing project. Jonah bought new tires, raised his prices, and never went on a vacation again.

Oh! A year after this incident, he decided that the preacher wasn't preaching the gospel enough, and moved his membership to another church.

See? I told you this wasn't a fish story.

Paul E. Luthman is the minister of the Gregory Memorial Presbyterian Church, Prince George, Virginia. He is a graduate of Rutgers University and Princeton Theological Seminary. In imagining how Jonah would look today, he wrote: "I have always felt that Jonah was a story about arrogance and bigotry, not the fishy debate so many people have turned it into."

http://theologytoday.ptsem.edu/jan1982/v38-4-criticscorner1.htm