When you get married.. over time the honeymoon period always ends and the true mask come off.. Love is always a decision.. a choice. If one makes the choice not to love.. it is over. If both do make the choice to love.. it can be most beautiful.
Here are the key components you’ll need to get along better with your spouse immediately:
Make Getting Along Your Goal
One of the reasons couples fight is because they lose sight of what their goal should be. My goal is to have a happy and nurturing relationship. What’s yours?
I’ve found couples who fight often have bad goals. Their goal is usually proving themselves right and not building a loving relationship. Always keep your goal in mind and make sure your actions are aligned with your goal – this may mean resisting the urge to point out how right you are no matter how much evidence you have.
Accept Your Spouse
Most couples don’t get along because they are constantly wishing their spouse was someone else: a better listener, a thriftier spender, a sexier lover, etc. This type of wishful thinking is harmful to your relationship and will only lead to frustration because you can’t change anyone who doesn’t want to change.
So if you are trying to do just that, stop right now and save your energy for something more productive. Accept your spouse for who they are and change your reaction to their “bad” habits. Keep in mind that just because you can’t change your spouse, it doesn’t meant they can’t change themselves. The important thing to remember is that it’s their choice and right, not yours.
Give Them the Benefit of the Doubt
Almost all disagreements between loving couples occur due to miscommunication. What’s ironic is that two people miscommunicating don’t know they are doing so or else they would stop. No matter how big the argument, keep in mind that you got married because you care for, trust and love each other. One of the best ways to handle miscommunication is to always give your spouse the benefit of the doubt and be curious why someone with good intentions would act the way they did.
So how do you become curious?
Ask – Don’t Interpret
Most fights happen because we misinterpret our spouse’s actions or expressions. Just because our spouse yawns while we talk, it doesn’t mean what we are saying is boring. There is a good chance that it was a long and tiring day but then again maybe it was because we’re boring. The only way to know for sure is to ask. Hopefully by now, you’ve built up a trusting and accepting relationship where your spouse can tell you the truth without any negative consequences.
Be specific when you ask your spouse questions and don’t assume. Instead of “Why are you mad?”, you can ask “I noticed that you are pursing your lips and furrowing your brow, what does that mean?”
Of course that example may be a bit extreme but you get the point.
Before you assume you know what your spouse is feeling, ask them to clarify the specific actions (i.e. loud voice) they are exhibiting as opposed to reacting to your own interpretation of their action. You’ll be surprised at how many fights end because of open communication. Listen not only to the words but also the underlying emotions.
Men and women communicate differently and unfortunately they are really bad interpreters for each other. Let the other person translate for you because John Gray was right – Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.
Give Each Other Space
This may sound strange but one of the key reasons my wife and I get along is because we have our own lives outside of each other. That sounds bad but it actually works out really well.
We work in separate companies and have our own hobbies/interests. We have “common” friends whom we hang out with together and our “own” friends whom we hang out with apart. Striking a good balance between being together and being apart really helps to keep the relationship strong.
Would I hang out with my spouse 24/7? Yea I would be able to and I enjoy her company very much but for some reason having and pursuing our own interests just works.
I understand that this may still be a bit counterintuitive for you but I encourage you to try it and then decide for yourself.
The only time where giving each other space would be bad is if the purpose (and you know your purpose) was to get away from each other because you can’t stand each other. If that is why you’re getting out of the house, you really want to explore what makes you feel that way towards your spouse and to openly communicate this issue as soon as possible.
Respect, Appreciate and Admire
I used to take people closest to me for granted. The closer they were, the more I took them for granted. I rarely said thank you and I didn’t show them the appreciation they deserve.
Being aware of this, I strived to change my behavior and I can see a real difference in my relationship with those closest to me.
It is no difference for those who own a business together.
I have found a young man who is not married has no clue.. and men who have great pain in life can always learn.
Now.. open up! Lets go make some money.
PS.. the "capital" brothers are trickster.. beware
