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excellent question
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Gross World Records
Today we have a list of World Records that we doubt you will see in The Guinness Book Of World Records.
MOST SEMEN SWALLOWED: Michelle Monahan had 1.7 pints of semen pumped out of her stomach in Los Angeles in July 1991.
LONGEST PUBES: Maoni Vi of Cape Town has hair measuring 32 inches from the arm pits and 28 inches from her vagina.
MOST CAVERNOUS CROTCH: Linda Manning of Los Angeles could, without preparation, completely insert a lubricated American football into her Vagina.
ZIT POPPING: In July 1987, Carl Chadwick of Rugby, England, squeezed a zit and projected a detectable amount of yellow pus a distance of 7ft 3 inch.
WORST DRINK: The most horrible drink to be considered a beverage and safely drunk is Khoona. It is drunk by Afghani tribesmen on their wedding night and consists of a small amount of still-warm, very recently attained bull semen. It is believed to be a potent aphrodisiac.
MOST OFFENSIVE COCKTAIL: This is available from a few select bars in New York. It contains tomato juice, a double shot of vodka, a spoonful of French mustard and a dash of lime. It is not mixed, but served with a tampon (unused) instead of a cocktail umbrella and is known as a 'Cunt Pump'.
GREATEST DISTANCE ATTAINED FOR A JET OF SEMEN: Horst Schultz achieved 18 ft 9 in. with a 'substantial' amount of seminal fluid. He also holds the records for the greatest height -12 ft 4in- and the greatest speed of ejaculation, or muzzle velocity, with 42.7mph.
LONGEST TURD: The longest dump ever verified was produced by an American, who produced a 'staggering turd' over a period of 2 hr 12 mins which was officially measured at 12 ft 2in. The offender is banned from 134 washrooms in his state.
MOST PROLONGED FART: Bernard Clemmens of London managed to sustain a fart for an officially recorded time of 2 mins 42 seconds.
Lipstick Prints
According to a radio report, a middle school in Oregon was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.
To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance guy to clean one of the mirrors. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it into the toilet and then cleaned the mirror. Since then there have been no lip prints on the mirror. There are teachers and then there are Teachers.
OMG LMAO !!
Three blondes define Easter
Three blondes (natural) died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter was.
The first blonde said, "Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey." St. Peter said, "Blondes," and he banished her to hell.
The second blonde said, "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus' birth and exchange gifts." St. Peter said, "Booboo," and he banished her to hell.
The third blonde said, she knew what Easter is, and St. Peter said, "So, tell me." She said, "Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with His disciples when he was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested him. The Romans hung Him on the cross and eventually He died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very large boulder
St. Peter said, Verrrrry good." Then the blonde continued, "Now every year the Jews roll away the boulder, and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of basketball.
St Peter fainted
ummmm. reality check ??
cheaper than Chantax
couple hours and a condom.
He's wild .
OH yeah !
WOW >> I'd take her throwaways any day.
Chewing them up and spitting them out.
Good for her.
Get them before they get you .
New York Car show today??
NUN, of course
silly. LOL
No There are 5 kinds...
LOL
Did you see that, she had the same name as me.
I wonder if she's a blonde too.
LMAO
Thats why they still ask you...
"Paper or plastic ? "
eeeewwwwwwww, yuck
Cost of coffee goes up
speaking of empty head
doing taxes today
Yep looks just like bros car. Very nice
Well Bubbles, It seems it didn't take to long to get banned.... This is the one that did it. Hahhahaha !
The all time top euphemisms for impotence...
15. 180 degrees shy of heaven
14. Performing with Flaccido Domingo
13. A few parts shy of an erector set
12. Sch-wing and a miss
11. Not rising to the level of impeachable offense
10. The Null Monty
9. Disappointing Miss Daisy
8. Taking the gold at the Lake Flaccid Olympics
7. Ascension Deficit Disorder
6. Bouncing the Check of Love
5. Less-than-Magic Johnson
4. All Doled up with nowhere to go
3. Welcome to Flaccid City. Population: You
2. Serving boneless pork
1. Unleavened Man-Bread
A woman who was on a boat with her family off the Florida Keys died Wednesday after an eagle ray leapt out of the water and struck her in the neck with its barb, local media reports said. It's unclear whether the 55-year-old Michigan woman was killed by the eagle ray's barb or by falling after the attack. The animal is seen above on the boat.
What a beautiful animal.
http://news.aol.com/story/_a/eagle-ray-leaps-onto-boat-kills-woman/20080320132409990001?nc
Yeah !
when I do that, you'll be glad there is a 3 hour difference. LOL
You'll need it. LOL
LMAO !
oh yeah !
:)
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
Thats why they all think they can f**k everybody.
poor monica, they'll never stop ridiculing her. LOL
maybe I should reconsider playing golf
Nice to be a woman
yep
LMAO my neighbors dog is on doggy Valium because of the...ssshhhhh...divorce. LOL
I say we should vote for Maronti for mod. Maybe that way he'll stay out of jail.
You know the women love the BAD BOYS.