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I didn't know Rooster was sharing family photos with you.
'Real men' like meth-heads?
No, he wasn't. Like you he is an easily misinformed alarmist with the same poor education that you expose here with your every post.
He hasn't become a laughing stock because people believe he is right, but rather because he is seen to be a ridiculous ass-hat and a fit target for contempt, just like you.
Nah, we need to red flag morons of all colors with assault weapons and IQ numbers under room temperature.
No wonder you're displaying your Don Knotts level of nervousness in your lame posts.
Keep on exposing yourself as an undereducated moron. You're doing a great job at that.
The models were obsolete before the moron in chief tried to alarm Alabamans.
The weather is not the same as climate, you uneducated fool.
Learn how to read, asshole. Can't indict a sitting president.
THAT'S why no charges, Seriously, WTF is wrong with you?
Impeachment is another matter, as you're about to learn.
Mueller has plenty of material that can be use for articles of impeachment. NO exoneration, shithead.
What you believe is not of interest to anyone, credulous fool that you are.
He flat out blew it and then made an even bigger ass of himself with the Sharpie.
Only dumb-ass Trumpanzees like you believe him.
He's broken all kinds of laws. settled out of court on the U. and had to fold his bullshit charity.
Also he's obstructed justice and only that DOJ guideline has get him from indictment.
Hey asshole, when Trump said it AL was NOT in the path. And what kind of moron uses a sharpie on a gov doc?
And insecure, science illiterate, just like you.
Check Trump's bankruptcies, the stiffing of his suppliers, his scam U. and charities, and get back to me.
He's grifting the shit out of this country, just as he did everyone in his business life.
And THAT is the kind of tweet that makes moral imbeciles smile.
Oh fuck you, 'then he changed his mind'.
You really are one dumb, credulous, SOB.
'They could indict a sitting president': Watergate prosecutor breaks down Trump's legal trouble in N
Published 26 mins ago on September 11, 2019
https://www.democraticunderground.com/100212457238
By Matthew Chapman
On Wednesday, former Watergate prosecutor Nick Akerman discussed the implications of the New York DA’s investigation into the Trump Organization on MSNBC’s “All In” — and why it could play out entirely differently from the federal investigations.
“The big difference here is that Cy Vance is the local prosecutor,” said Akerman. “He is the state prosecutor in New York County. So he is not concerned with federal crimes. He’s concerned with state crimes. But I think we have a continuous theme here that pervades all of this.
And it’s simply that all roads lead to Donald Trump’s tax returns. To make this a serious crime and a serious felony, falsifying business records is usually associated with falsifying numbers so that they falsify in turn the tax returns.”
Well what could be wrong with those tax returns? Trump SAID he was going to reveal them.
“Interesting,” said anchor Ali Velshi.
“So in this particular case, it could very well be that they are looking at the false state tax returns that have been filed by the Trump Organization, filed by Donald Trump, and there could be all kinds of people who could have criminal liability here,” continued Akerman. “If it’s just Donald Trump, obviously, the problem there is indicting a sitting president, although the Manhattan DA’s office is not under the same stricture as the Department of Justice. They could indict a sitting president.”
https://www.rawstory.com/2019/09/they-could-indict-a-sitting-president-watergate-prosecutor-breaks-down-trumps-legal-trouble-in-new-york/
Throw the book at him, Pence, and everyone that has shaken this jerk's hand to say I do whatever you want.................
YOUR pathetic POTUS DOES....steal, cheat and lie, for his entire fucking life. It's just on a MUCH larger scale now.
Post the links where he said that. When it mattered, in Charlottesville, he said what he believed, just as he did in Helsinki.
His first reactions represent his true beliefs, the clean up crews don't matter. Only a credulous fucking moron like you doesn't see that.
SS guy to Melania: He has no dignity, no sense of decorum. WHAT an asshole.
Melania: I know, I know, but he has money that I'm going to get.
Great, now share with them your support for Trump and do mention his support of white supremacists as being 'fine people'.
NOT a credible story, capon.
Trump and his associates DID collude, that why they all lied about their contacts with Russians.
But there is no crime of collusion.
Now where's your link to support your bullshit claim?
Just because you've picked up Trump's tricks doesn't mean they fly on this board.
What I just posted applies to you too, capon.
Why don't you post a link to support your claim as I did to support mine?
If you can't then you and all of us have no choice but to conclude, again, that you are simply and completely full of shit.
I've about had it with your willful ignorance. Clearly you either never learned to read for comprehension or the RW filter you view the world though has disabled whatever critical thinking skills that might remain in that addled brain of yours.
First, mull this over:
https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/f_scott_fitzgerald_100572
The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.
Now in your case we've already ruled the above, out.
Nobody has claimed that there is not Jihadi terrorism.
The article I posted tracked the body count from both RW and Jihadi terrorism. The right has pulled into the lead. So it is neck and neck in the real world.
Those aren't opposing ideas, they are simply facts....in the real world.
NOW you should have less difficulty understanding the following.
But you're still going to have to settle for having a 2nd or 3rd rate intelligence.
You so clearly do not have the capacity to discern fact from fiction it's not even debatable.
Hey, some golden oldie conspiracy theories. Tell us how many of these you fell for.
The Sept. 11, 2001, Terrorist Attacks on the U.S.
Those attacks against the U.S. changed history and, unfortunately, inspired many to attempt to rewrite it.
Bond Huberman
Published 11 September 2019
The nation was unprepared.” So wrote the authors of the The 9/11 Commission Report. And so might many witnesses remember feeling as they helplessly watched so many terrifying events unfold on Sept. 11, 2001.
Who among us could prepare to watch a commercial airplane fly into the North Tower of the World Trade Center? Or for a second to strike the South Tower minutes later? Or for yet another, at the Pentagon? Or for what would play out on Flight 93, when passengers tried to fight back?
No one could prepare for any of it — including seeing the towers fall or losing so many firefighters, police officers, and first responders, who had rushed in to help the people trapped inside.
No one was prepared to watch, in seconds, skyscrapers turn to dust.
The deadly, coordinated terror attacks against the U.S. stole nearly 3,000 lives and left behind permanent scars for countless others.
They also spurred lasting conspiracy theories and rumors that readers search on our site to this day.
What follows are some of those our fact-checkers have debunked.
https://www.snopes.com/collections/9-11-terrorist-attacks-on-the-us/?utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Daily%20Debunker%20-%20Wednesday%20September%2011%202019%20-%20911%20The%20Rumors%20-%20recNE3bx42PTCrXjz&utm_content=Daily%20Debunker%20-%20Wednesday%20September%2011%202019%20-%20911%20The%20Rumors%20-%20recNE3bx42PTCrXjz+CID_71a80abacfcbe16021fda58e4ac43e04&utm_source=CampaignMonitor&utm_term=Read%20more
He has the facts on his side and you, of course, do not.
Right-Wingers Are America’s Deadliest Terrorists
After this weekend, right-wing terrorists have killed more people on U.S. soil than jihadis have since 9/11. So why is the government’s focus still on Islamic radicalism?
https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2019/08/right-wing-terrorist-killings-government-focus-jihadis-islamic-radicalism.html
By Daniel Byman
Aug 05, 2019•2:57 PM
Flowers and signs are seen at a makeshift memorial on Monday after the shooting that left 21 people dead at the Cielo Vista Mall WalMart in El Paso, Texas.
When a white supremacist gunman killed more than 20 people at an El Paso, Texas, Walmart on Saturday, he claimed a dubious honor for his cause: Right-wing terrorism is once again responsible for more deaths on U.S. soil (107) than jihadi terrorism (104) since 9/11, according to data collected by New America.
(In fact, right-wing violence had been responsible for more deaths for most of this period, but jihadis had been responsible for more since the Pulse nightclub shooting of 2016.)
Patrick Crusius’ attack itself was especially bloody, the most lethal right-wing attack since Timothy McVeigh’s bombing of the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City in 1995, which killed 168 people.
But the El Paso killings were a continuation of a bloody series of attacks in recent years, including the Tree of Life synagogue shooting in Pittsburgh in 2018 and the 2015 attack on a historic black church in Charleston, South Carolina, which killed 11 and nine people, respectively. And such high-profile attacks are few compared with regular incidents of low-level harassment and violence against blacks, Jews, Muslims, and other minorities.
The rise in white supremacist violence, and the lower-than-anticipated levels of jihadi killing, does not accord with U.S. counterterrorism officials’ post-9/11 focus on jihad. This varied response explains the relative success of anti-jihadi efforts and the problems stopping right-wing violence.
No single factor explains the recent rise of right-wing violence, which has a long and bloody history in the United States, mostly directed against black Americans.
It’s not that the causes themselves have changed dramatically. Many Americans have long been concerned about immigration, opposed to gun control, and critical of protections for minorities. Most of those who hold these beliefs would condemn violence and those who use it.
But right-wing terrorism itself is changing. Part of it is 9/11 itself. The attacks highlighted fears of Muslims and gave far-right groups more credibility in their claims to be defending Christian civilization. Each jihadi attack, including highly publicized attacks abroad like the 2015 Paris killings by ISIS, bolstered their claim and created a cycle of recruitment and radicalization.
The rise of Trump both reflected the greater radicalization of right-wing voices and heightened it. Trump rode to power in part on anti-immigrant and racist sentiments. At the same time, he elevated these concerns, with a regular track record of racist statements and hostility to Mexicans and other immigrants. Many white supremacists embraced Trump. Radicalization expert J.M. Berger found that the top hashtag for the alt-right is #MAGA.
In contrast, jihadi terrorists do not have an ideology linked to any large political movement in the United States. There is no “Americans for sharia,” and those arrested for jihadi-related violence are not associated with any large movements. The American Muslim community is hostile to violence and regularly cooperates with law enforcement.
At the same time as it has claimed a champion in Trump, the white supremacist movement has globalized. In 2011, Anders Behring Breivik killed 77 people in Norway, mostly youths associated with a left-leaning political party. Before his shooting spree, Breivik posted a manifesto warning of the dangers posed by Muslims and liberals, among other enemies.
In March 2019, Brenton Tarrant killed 51 Muslim worshippers in New Zealand. Like Breivik, he posted a manifesto and even livestreamed his attack in an attempt to gain internet immortality. Both killers drew on “thinkers” and grievances from other countries and causes, presenting themselves as defenders of global European white civilization.
Crusius reflects this greater globalization. Like Breivik and Tarrant, he posted a manifesto on the internet. In it, he embraced anti-immigrant sentiment and cited the “Great Replacement” theory, which claims that a shadowy group of elites (usually Jews) are scheming to subordinate white European Christians through higher birthrates of black people and other minorities, and by bringing in Muslim and Hispanic migrants.
As Tarrant’s and Crusius’ attacks suggest, Breivik’s model is taking on a life of its own for future right-wing mass killers beyond ideology, leading them to embrace mass casualty violence.
In 1999, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, two students at Columbine High School, killed 12 students and a teacher, and in so doing they inspired more than 100 copycat attempts. Future killers are likely to again mix a shooting spree with a manifesto (and perhaps add the livestreaming element that Tarrant helped pioneer).
Even as right-wingers have globalized more, U.S. counterterrorism has disrupted one of the jihadis’ greatest strengths: their global network. Thanks to drone attacks on their safe havens, tighter homeland security, and a global intelligence campaign, it has proven difficult for ISIS or al-Qaida to engage in long-term plotting, to train large numbers of recruits, or otherwise orchestrate terrorist spectaculars on U.S. soil.
Indeed, looking at the post-9/11 plots on U.S. soil, what is striking is how few of the individuals who attempted them have direct connections to ISIS or al-Qaida. When those connections did exist, they often turned out to be vulnerabilities because law enforcement was able to detect the plot as a result.
Much of what explains why right-wing terrorism is so deadly while jihad at home is less bloody than expected is because of the government response and that of other important actors. The FBI devotes far fewer resources to right-wing terrorism than it does jihadi terrorism, and programs for countering violence extremism also focus largely on jihadis.
Most social media companies are aggressive in trying to get jihadis off their platforms. They are far more cautious, however, when it comes to white supremacists, fearing political backlash. Legally, federal counterterrorism officials have far more power to go after those associated with international terrorist groups than they do for domestic terrorist groups, no matter how lethal.
However, as terrorism expert Clint Watts points out, there is far more political attention in Congress to black identity movements and the left-wing antifa—neither of which pose remotely the danger of white supremacists—because of their political orientation.
Giving the FBI more resources, passing new laws that target domestic terrorism, and otherwise stepping up the fight against white supremacist violence and other right-wing terrorism would have a dramatic impact, as many of the individuals and groups are not used to operating in a clandestine environment.
Politically, instead of playing up racism and anti-immigrant sentiment, leaders could try to calm these roiled waters. Unfortunately, Trump has not changed his tune in response to past right-wing attacks, and there is little reason to expect a new course until a new administration comes to power.
The US Military Has Always Been A Social Experiment
Your article is an ahistorical polemic and, despite the disclaimers, it smacks of more 'thanks Obama' crap.
For decades now for righties it has come down to god, guns, gays, flags and fetuses.
Exactly NONE of which has to do with either the Nation as a whole or with healthcare, which ironically they need more of because of their addictions and generally poor nutrition habits, or with jobs, infrastructure, building or repairing anything.
Maybe they think we can go back to the 50's if we just neglect everything into a state of total disrepair?
Fuck 'em. I'm ready to trash the progressive, redistributive tax system. Let every State resident and business get back exactly what they pay in Federal taxes.
THEN let's see about conservative self-sufficiency, when Blue State GDP Atlas Shrugs.
Patriotic? Are you fucking kidding?
The treasonous SOB is in Putin's pocket.
Trump owes his election to him, which is why he has NEVER criticized Putin for anything.
And you have one hell of a lot of nerve comparing a draft dodging asshole to ANY U.S. President who served our county in uniform.
Real patriots don't gut the Pentagon budget for military base schools either.
Did I mention that Trump is a fucking traitor?
Can't say it often enough.
How Much of a Pussy Ass Bitch Is Donald Trump? An Investigation
By implication, the question applies to Trump's supporters. F.O. Capon.
http://rudepundit.blogspot.com/2019/09/how-much-of-pussy-ass-bitch-is-donald.html
You don't really need to know why model and TV host Chrissy Teigen called President Donald Trump a "pussy ass bitch." I mean, you can probably think of a dozen reasons right off the top of your head and nod, saying, "Yeah, that makes sense."
Because, obviously, Donald Trump is a pussy ass bitch. He's always been a pussy ass bitch. He'll always be a pussy ass bitch with his pussy ass bitch sons and his pussy ass bitch business.
It's more a question of degrees than a discussion of whether or not it's true. We know it's true. We just need to figure out how much. And Trump's actions in the last few days give us ample opportunity to examine the amount of pussy ass bitch he's been.
So let's take a look at the evidence of pussy ass bitchery.
1. Trump fired National Security Adviser John Bolton by tweet because he's always been too much of a pussy ass bitch to fire anyone in person unless they are fake employees on his old game show.
(Note: John Bolton is dangerously batshit insane and should be sprayed with a fire hose if he comes anywhere near a government position, but he's not a pussy ass bitch.)
2. He had Commerce Secretary Wilbur "Hey, Can You Check to See If Wilbur's Dead" Ross threaten to fire people at the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration. This was after some NOAA employee in Birmingham, Alabama, did the responsible thing last week and informed the public that Donald Trump was totally wrong when he said that their state was in the path of Hurricane Dorian. We had a week-long fit from Trump because he was too much of a pussy ass bitch to admit he fucked up.
3. Trump dismissed the idea of allowing some of the tens of thousands of people whose cities were wiped out by Dorian in the Bahamas to come to the United States, saying that other areas of the Bahamas that weren't hit should take them. And he did it in the most dickish way possible, by accusing victims of possibly being "some very bad people and some very bad gang members and some very, very bad drug dealers." So he's such a racist pussy ass bitch that he won't allow people who've lost everything to recover here in the United States.
4. When it was revealed that the Air Force had been using the Trump resort in Scotland for its crews to stay during long flights (and play golf there), as well as using the airport right near the resort to refuel at a higher price than a relatively nearby airbase, Trump claimed he had "nothing to do with" it, which, of course, turned out to be a lie, as it often does. He's such a pussy ass bitch that he can't even cop to something that he personally signed off on.
5. Trump gave the Public Safety Medal of Valor to six police officers from Dayton, Ohio, in honor of them doing their duty in taking down a mass shooter there. However, he did not invite the mayor of Dayton, Nan Whaley, because she's a Democrat and she's been critical of Trump. Instead, he had Republican political leaders from Ohio present. When you can't handle having anyone around you who doesn't kiss your ring, that's some pussy ass bitch behavior right there.
In sum, Trump is a total pussy ass bitch. Everything he does stems from him being a pussy ass bitch. His entire immigration policy is about turning us into a nation of pussy ass bitches.
Every time he says something about reforming gun laws, the NRA shows him their pimp hand and he cowers back into his natural state of being a pussy ass bitch. And let's not even get into how much of a pussy ass bitch he is when it comes to the dictators in North Korea, Saudi Arabia, and Russia.
Oh, sure, he's the tough guy at his rallies. But then, well, he's surrounded by all the pussy ass bitches who support him.
Let's thank Chrissy Teigen for giving us a shorthand way to define Trump. It's especially sweet that it takes the words he used to talk about assaulting women and turns them against him.
The polls were within the margin of error and they mostly, accurately, predicted a Clinton popular vote win.
You can pretend that an outlier win invalidates all polls, but that just adds statistics illiteracy to a lengthy list of illiteracies you display in your posts.
38% is nowhere in the ballpark for a win and his polling in the States he squeaked out are all underwater.
And of course there is plenty of time for Trump to continue to make a fool of himself and for impeachment hearings to compile the necessary articles.
Trump's a lying sack of shit who received help from Putin.
You heard about the agent who was pulled from Russia? His intelligence product confirms what Putin himself said in Helsinki.
Incorrect use of massive. Here is the proper use of the word: You are a massive tool and an ahistorical nitwit. A Dem hasn't held that NC district in over 60 years.
WTF are you smoking? The words landslide and Trump nowhere belong in the same sentence.
What part of 38% approval of Trump do you not understand?
Most of the country holds Trump in contempt for being the lying, ignorant, treasonous POS that he is demonstrably is.
Irony 1-Rooster zip. Seriously, no one who posts here is more untethered from reality, more fact challenged and more credulous than you.
Two questions:
Do you, can you, vape your meth?
Do you do that before stepping outside your trailer at night, holding your only concession to technology, a hot shit LED flashlight, as you make your way deep into the woods to where you think your still is?
Only respond after you stop laughing and you've laid aside your devices and your jar of white lightening.
We can wait.
No shit. You are posting some top flight images, my friend
I wish he would get a prostate exam that showed an enlarged prostate with the image size altered by a Sharpie to show a smaller one.
Then when Trump asks his gov. provided doc 'then why am I getting up in the middle of the night to piss and tweet?'
I don't know, because you're a flaming asshole without either impulse control or a sense of decency?
Last day on job for doc.
Pointed tweet about Bolton by Rick Wilson:
Rick Wilson
@TheRickWilson
Just keep this in mind:
John Bolton was fired for being ***insufficiently pro-Taliban.***
Tuesday TOONs - Get Me Rewrite!
https://www.democraticunderground.com/100212452185
We're starting to see the scale of Trump's personal corruption -- and it's massive
Mandatory stops at Trump resorts are the tip of the iceberg. This president has been "wetting his beak" all along
Heather Digby Parton
September 9, 2019 1:20PM (UTC)
So President Trump had a very normal weekend. He tweeted repeatedly about his mistake in telling Alabama it was in the path of Hurricane Dorian, insisting that it wasn't a mistake at all.
The controversy grew into something quite serious when it became obvious Trump was ordering an admiral to fall on his sword and take responsibility, and forcing political appointees at the NOAA to say his lie was actually the truth. Orwell has been mentioned. A lot.
Then Trump had an angry Twitter tantrum on Saturday night, announcing that he was canceling a secret meeting with leaders of the Taliban, that had apparently scheduled for Sunday morning at Camp David.
snip//
According to this tick-tock in the New York Times, Trump had decided to inject himself into the later stages of the negotiation with this Camp David gambit. But the whole thing was upended by his egomaniacal desire to one-up Jimmy Carter and get credit for a big peace deal without having the first clue what he was doing or understanding the stakes.
One of the parties he wanted for his photo-op was anathema to the Taliban, so they balked and then the whole thing fell apart — supposedly when Trump suddenly realized that the Taliban was still killing people. Nobody can quite figure out why he tweeted it out. One gets the feeling he doesn't know either.
Those two stories dominated the news this weekend, but there was another brewing that will start to come into focus this week — if, that is, the Democrats do what they say they're going to do. Congressional committees are reconvening and new reporting indicates they may have more information about Trump's corruption than has been made public.
A couple of weeks ago I wondered if President Trump wasn't hedging his bets a little bit on 2020 by accelerating the usual promotional activities for his properties.
On some level he must know that he's vulnerable, and perhaps sees that his window for using his power to benefit himself may be closing. In the last week we've received even more evidence that he's been quite successful at dipping his beak ever since he became president.
more...
https://www.salon.com/2019/09/09/were-starting-to-see-the-scale-of-trumps-personal-corruption-and-its-massive/?fbclid=IwAR1cALhWDX2ouSllyB1Fivm5b7X-8XD_7ytmfC6kAthGLs0OFpYU-NKMaI0
And of course he buried the lead RE Soros' justified apprehension that our national security naïf of a POTUS will not walk his talk about Chinese theft of American intellectual property, as it pertains to Huawei.
Reading for comprehension, NOT the capon's strong suit.
But Soros said he worries Trump could remove Huawei from the entity list as a concession to China during trade talks. Soros said he believes Trump will want to arrange such talks in the lead-up to the 2020 election. While amendments have been introduced in the House and Senate to prevent Trump from removing Huawei from the list without congressional consent, Trump has sought to block that restriction, Soros wrote.
“If Republicans allow Mr. Trump to bail out the Communist Party-run telecom giant, they will be abdicating their most basic democratic responsibilities,” wrote the 89-year-old billionaire, whose Open Society Foundations have helped countries transition to democracies.
The U.S. has long had concerns about Huawei, claiming the company has a cozy relationship with the Chinese government, which could use its technology to gain an espionage advantage. The Justice Department filed criminal charges against the company in two separate cases earlier this year, claiming Huawei committed fraud and stole trade secrets. Huawei, for its part, recently accused the U.S. government of using “unscrupulous” tactics to interfere with its business.
Huawei and the White House did not immediately respond to requests for comment.
Read the full op-ed at The Wall Street Journal.
Wilbur Ross Earned His Junior Dictator Decoder Ring This Week
Monday, September 9th, 2019
by Shower Cap | American Madness Journal |
http://showercapblog.com/wilbur-ross-earned-his-junior-dictator-decoder-ring-this-week/
I’m increasingly convinced none of this is really happening. At some point in the fall of 2016, I took a boat trip that I no longer recollect, during which I was swallowed by a whale, a whale which then swallowed a second boat, packed with hallucinogenic drugs, and I’m just in a coma, inside a whale, constantly inhaling some really bad shit. Hey, it’s easier to believe than the actual news.
Redactor General William Barr grows more comfortable in his role as chief legal thug to an authoritarian goon every day, and now he’s launching a Yes This is a Nakedly Corrupt Abuse of Power That’s What We Do Now “antitrust investigation” into four automakers for daring to agree to new emissions standards with the state of California. Defying Dear Leader AND admitting climate change is real? You’re lucky you didn’t impugn his crowd sizes, there’d be public executions.
Meanwhile, Cult45 High Priest Brad Parscale predicts the Sham Family Robinshart will become a “dynasty,” inflicting their trademark brand of hateful divisiveness and petty crime on America until Fort Knox is empty and Mount Rushmore has eroded in shame. Seems kinda overconfident when you’ve never come within 3 million votes of a political majority, but Brad also thinks he’s pulling off that beard, so…
Speaking of the hopelessly inept, Eric Trump singlehandedly uncovered a nefarious deep state plot to practice the forbidden art of responsible journalism, rage-tweeting about WaPo’s David Farenthold’s underhanded “tactics” of…politely reaching out to a potential source. Dynasty indeed.
The United States Air Force announced a historic change to their motto, which now reads “to fly, fight, and win—in air, space, and cyberspace, and also to take every available opportunity to funnel taxpayer dollars into the cheap grifter President’s tacky, failing, Scottish golf resort.” Yes, our military seems to be rerouting flights and servicemen, at no small extra cost to the Treasury, to Tangerine Idi Amin’s little money pit, and I’m telling you, when we finally beat this cheap crook, somebody needs to pat him down on the way out at the next inauguration or he’ll make off with the Monroe silver.
So apparently a deal was kinda sorta close with the Taliban, but not really because the Afghan government wasn’t involved, but the point is, negotiators were making progress while President Buford T. Dumbshit kept his nose out of it, focusing instead on golf and yelling at sitcom actors.
But then he once again pulled what historians will surely call the “Trump Maneuver,” a deceptively-simple three step process during which he:
1.Smells a chance for personal glory
2.Swoops into a situation he knows fuckall about
3.Immediately fucks everything up
Seems he hastily invited all parties, including the fucking Taliban, yes THAT Taliban, to Camp David, because he wanted his picture taken WITH THE TALIBAN. And yes, in no time at all, President Gas Station Urinal Cake’s cringeworthy Nobel thirst ruined the whole damn thing, so everybody can get back to their forever war now, thanks for your time.
For those keeping score at home, the Shart of the Deal has now made precisely zero deals during his 2 1/2 years in office.
And then, for reasons that would baffle an army of psychiatrists, he told the whole damn world about his fuckup. On Twitter, naturally. Why? Because he’s an angry buffoon with no impulse control. Sleep tight, America!
Republicans, upon learning that the head of their party invited the leaders of the very terrorist organization that sheltered Al Qaeda while they planned the 9/11 attacks to Camp Freakin’ David a few short days ahead of the 9/11 anniversary, asked “well, do you still hate immigrants?”
and Fat Q*Bert went “more than ever” and the base went “then we cool” because despite Bill Kristol’s ongoing bewilderment that his thoughtful essays on whateverthefuckhewritesessaysabout failed to shape modern conservatism to the extent he’d imagined, the GOP is nothing but a white supremacist hate cult.
Sure, they’ll blindly back the policies you tell them to back, but there are no deeply held beliefs beyond the racism, not even, it would seem, “hey, terrorists are bad.”
Mark Sanford claims to have found a secret branch of the Appalachian Trail that ends up in the Oval Office, and so he’s joining Bill Weld and Joe Walsh in the Republican primary field that Sharty McFly totally isn’t afraid of, which is clearly demonstrated by all the state-level parties canceling their primaries in terror of incurring the Turd Emperor’s tiny-fisted wrath.
While Hurricane Dorian threatened the state he allegedly represents in the United States Senate, Prized Presidential Poodle Lindsey Graham figured it was the perfect time to jet across the Atlantic to take selfies with Eurotrash Megabigot Geert Wilders. I guess ol’ John McCain really was a good influence on Lindsey, he’s fallen in with a bad crowd lately. I’m worried he’ll wind up in a gang. Or the Klan.
And though the U.S. was largely spared Dorian’s wrath, our neighbors in the Bahamas got seriously fucked up, so of course there are refugees. Well, if Government Cheese Goebbels could abandon U.S. citizens in Puerto Rico to die from neglect in the aftermath of a devastating hurricane, he sure as shit isn’t going to help people who can’t legally donate to American political campaigns, so of course he’s inventing any sneaky excuse he can find to refuse desperate Bahamians entry, trotting out some of his favorite old racist tropes in the process. Stephen Miller must have his own version of a Spider Sense, where his bald spot burns like a hemorrhoid whenever there’s an opportunity to hurt non-white people in need.
CNN reports that the U.S. intelligence community was forced to extract a highly-placed Russian spy in 2017, after Pumpkin Spice Pol Pot placed their life in danger by “mishandling classified intelligence,” by which I mean “just giving it to the fucking Russians right in the Oval Fucking Office,” and folks, this might finally be the one that makes my brain run screaming from my cranium.
What a blow to our country, and what a gift to Putin. Many theorized at the time that he may have put important undercover agents’ lives at risk; what can you do except hope he didn’t get any brave people killed?
You try to fathom the damage this rampaging taintfungus is doing to our country; to our national security, to our economy, to our courts, to the very notion of good government, and you can’t help but wonder if the people who lived during the decline of the Roman Empire could sense the collapse at the time.
Did they have their own Mitch McConnell, holding the door open for the barbarian hordes in exchange for appointing a tax collector or two? We tend to think of Donald Trump as an almost unimaginably horrible president, but the job Uncle Vlad hired him for was Executive America Fucker Upper, and to be honest, his performance has been exemplary.
In the midst of all this fuckery n’ corruption, those closest to the Spray-Tanned Cray-Cray Man are starting to notice that, in addition to the ever-present malice and ignorance, he’s now in noticeably rapid mental decline, how fun for everyone! What happens when the shittiest brain on Earth deteriorates into Cheeto dust while still in possession of the full power of the American presidency? Tune in next week to find out!*
Politico reports Jerry Falwell, Jr. is not, as he would have you believe, an extraordinarily pious fellow, but in fact a bullying grifter and also kinda pervy, and I hope you had a fainting couch nearby when you read this paragraph.
Anyway, why’m I spending my time crafting poo jokes for the occasional six-pack instead of going after the big money in the right-wing rube-o-sphere? Whaddya think, folks? Would you join my mega-church? It’s BYOB.
President How Dare You Call Me Racist While I’m Burning This Cross capped off another weekend of failing to fill the gaping hole in his withered soul by going on a lengthy Twitter rant, berating numerous famous non-white folks for showing insufficient gratitude for his primarily-fictional achievements.
And the Candycorn Skidmark is, frankly, extremely fortunate the Constitution doesn’t allow the presidency to change hands when the incumbent gets his ass thoroughly owned on social media, or we’d be swearing in Chrissy Teigen right now.
Well, the party’s finally started up, you bring the nachos and guac, Jerry Nadler’s bringing the Nixon-style rules for the impeachment inquiry! Who knows, if this thing gets really nuts, maybe we’ll all wind up doing body shots out of Don McGahn’s navel on the House floor!
Rudy Giuliani’s search history likely reads “are conjugal visits with your cousin allowed in federal prison?” right now, because multiple congressional committees have opened investigations into his “nice country you got here, Ukraine, shame if it got invaded by Putin because we’re withholding millions in aid unless you make up some fake shit about Joe Biden being a crime boss” thing.
It’s getting so you can’t even commit blackmail on the global stage without snooty liberals getting all law-enforcey.
One of the requirements for being a Republican in the 21st century is the ability to stubbornly refuse to accept even the most obvious solutions to any given problem whenever said solutions interfere with the donor class’ bottom line, and so, at a time when ever-expanding majorities are demanding common-sense gun control legislation before the whole goddamn country turns into one big hunting preserve for every incel with a grudge, the Shart Administration figures it’d just be easier to monitor everybody’s phone to figure out if they’re “mentally ill” and about to turn violent, so they can be disappeared, Minority-Report-style.
Yeah, rather than just making it harder for any lunatic to arm themself like they’re bound for downtown Fallujah, let’s just give a terrifyingly unconstitutional expansion of the surveillance state a spin, shall we?
Because we live in Hell, not only are we STILL talking about the Velveeta Vulgarian’s idiot proclamation that all that stood between Alabama and Hurricane Dorian was the grace of God and wall made of out of Trump steaks that Mexico paid for, but it’s mutated into one of the largest, and somehow simultaneously dumbest-and-scariest, scandals in American history.
To recap, Donnie Two-Scoops was wrong about something, which is a fairly commonplace event, really, something that happens at least a dozen times almost every day. But unlike, say, his Dipshit Trade War, which is destroying billions of dollars in wealth and ruining god knows how many lives, this mistake was relatively harmless, and we should have all quickly moved on, like we did that time he went on Hannity to claim he invented buttons.**
When his clever Sharpie forgery failed to silence the naysayers, the Marmalade Shartcannon finally snuck into the NOAA offices to steal some stationary, on which he issued an unsigned statement proclaiming up to be down, down to be east, and east to be a special Nobel Prize for Accuracy in Weather Forecasting. This is some Playground Orwell shit, folks.
But now we find that Wilbur Ross, Prince of Naps and SECRETARY OF THE WHOLE MOTHERFUCKING COMMERCE DEPARTMENT threatened to fire any NOAA employees who dared to contradict Boss Turdworm’s long-since-debunked Alabama prophecy.
Yeah. A cabinet secretary threatening government employees for fulfilling their legal responsibility to deliver accurate information about potentially life-threatening weather events to the American people. It’s petty and embarrassing, but it’s also authoritarian as fuck, and if Wilbur still has job by this time tomorrow, I expect a small army of zombie founding fathers to rise from their graves and drag him away.
Oh, and if anybody’s wondering if Boris Johnson is still managing to step in every single pile of shit in Britain, don’t worry; he is.
Look, I know I try to make my last story a bit of good news, as a little palate cleanser for y’all, but tonight I’m afraid I must report that Milo Yadon’tgotnoplatformnomo is struggling to make ends meet now that all the major social media platforms have banned his unique brand of performance art hate speech. I apologize if the news produced tears…OF LAUGHTER.
OK, Resisters, I’ve gotta see what I can do about getting my ass out of this fucking whale, so I’ll leave you here. Everybody wish Dan McCready luck in tomorrow’s special election!
*Assuming there is a next week, of course.
**No, this didn’t happen. But how many of you googled it, just to be sure?
Mid terms are a referendum on sitting presidents, that's what the GOP and the fucking Tea Party told us in '10 and again in '14. -
What's changed, from ANY mid-term since they began?
You ahistorical nitwit.
First of all only a complete idiot marvels at what is not there.
Secondly, here is what 'all about Trump' looks like:
https://www.realclearpolitics.com/epolls/other/president_trump_job_approval-6179.html
Not EVEN the usual outlier Rasmussen poll offers any succor to the idiot in the WH.
I think the Reuters poll captured the impact of Sharpiegate. LOL!