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Do YOU understand the meaning of who will rid me of this meddlesome priest?
Will no one rid me of this turbulent priest?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Will_no_one_rid_me_of_this_turbulent_priest%3F
Will no one rid me of this turbulent priest? (sometimes expressed as troublesome or meddlesome priest) is an utterance attributed to Henry II of England, which led to the death of Thomas Becket, the Archbishop of Canterbury, in 1170. While it was not expressed as an order, it caused four knights to travel from Normandy to Canterbury, where they killed Becket.
The phrase is now used to express the idea that a ruler's wish can be interpreted as a command by his or her subordinates.
Or, apparently, by his allies.
GOP economic policies and lax regulatory enforcement of Wall Street regularly, predictably, tank the economy.
See both Bushes.
Yeah I never got anywhere with my questions about the 'disappeared', the passengers and the planes.
Not to mention the dramatic skills, and continued silence, of all of the 'allegedly' bereaved.
That Popular Mechanics article is a factual rebuttal to every single 9/11 'what about....?'.
Jaws Drop-Rachel Maddow Lays Out Mitch McConnell's Economic Treason
https://www.politicususa.com/2019/08/14/rachel-maddow-mitch-mcconnell-russia.html
Posted on Wed, Aug 14th, 2019 by Jason Easley
Rachel Maddow explained how Mitch McConnell has allowed Russia to gain an economic foothold in the US so that they can influence US politics from within.
Mitch McConnell committed economic treason
Maddow said:
The short story here about Mitch McConnell is that he, more than anybody else in Washington, has blocked U.S. efforts to constrain or respond to Russia’s recent attacks.
That’s why they’re calling him Moscow Mitch now. But in this particular instance, his state, an economically disadvantaged part of his state, got a $200 million investment from a kremlin-connected oligarch immediately after McConnell personally stepped in to make sure sanctions on that oligarch were dropped, despite his role in what happened to our election in 2016 and despite bipartisan support even from his own party for those sanctions.
But don’t just look back at this. Look forward. Right? I mean, the FBI says Russia’s going to do to our election in
2020 what they did to it in 2016. No reason to expect 2020 is going to be any different. If Oleg Deripaska is one of the two or three oligarchs Putin looks to get his work done around the world, given what we know he did in 2016, should we expect Deripaska is going to be involved in Russia’s 2020 operations as well?
You have to say the odds of that are better now than they were before Mitch Mcconnell sold off this corner of his state in his I mean, after all, before Mcconnell did what he did, Oleg Deripaska might have felt worried about participating in any Russian attack on us in 2020, right? He might have worried about those crippling sanctions that the U.S. Government put on him at least for a while after 2016.
I mean, McConnell made sure those were gone, but maybe he’d worry if he did more in 2020, he would get those sanctions back or he’d be further sanctioned in his business activities. He might have had to worry about that before Mitch McConnell did what he did.
But now, Oleg Deripaska’s business activities, the health of his business empire, that’s part and parcel of the hard-scrabble economy in one of Kentucky’s neediest economies.
This is a plant that’s over a billion dollars. 40% owned by the company of this kremlin-connect bed oligarch. You’re not going to be able to sanction him no matter what he does to our 2020 election or whatever else he does at all. It would strangle Kentucky in the process.
There would be hundreds, if not thousands of American jobs riding on anything you did to that Russian guy’s company or, frankly, anything you did to bother him. He now holds all of those American jobs in his hand. The U.S. Government does anything to bother him, he can take them away at will. You can’t do anything to his company, not without him exerting that leverage over Kentucky in response. And that damage has already been done.
It's only going to 'stick' in the Velcro textured gray matter of small brained righties.
Trump is not just a creep but by far the most amoral, incompetent, embarrassing, no class, stupid and just plain shity person to occupy the WH, probably ever.
THAT'S the difference.
The POINT is that the painting is satirical, the picture is historical.
It is widely known that Clinton is more interested in removing dresses than wearing them.
Less widely know was Rudy's strange affectation.
Sooooo, NOT equivalent.
Plus, Clinton was too smart to want to place any NY emergency management response in the same building complex that had previously been attacked.
Clinton wasn't a dumb-ass conspiracy theorist either.
Also he doesn't resemble Nosferatu
As the captain of the Titanic remarked while observing passengers throwing snowballs on the top deck.
Over the years I've used this Popular Mechanics article in vain attempts to disabuse the 9/11 conspiracy theorists of their laughable beliefs.
I've never read the words 'what about' more often than in posts by righties on this subject.
Debunking the 9/11 Myths: Special Report - The World Trade Center
Popular Mechanics examines the evidence and consults the experts to refute the most persistent conspiracy theories of September 11.
By Popular Mechanics Editors
Sep 10, 2018
https://www.popularmechanics.com/military/a6384/debunking-911-myths-world-trade-center/
Deserves the song....but hear these lyrics....
Oh, I deplore you more today than yesterday
But not as much as tomorrow
I despise you more today than yesterday
But, dumb-ass, not as much as tomorrow
All that I confirmed is that you're a fucking idiot to believe that.
A good start. More comprehensive though if we add building 7, birtherism, Benghaziazims, Jade Helm, forest fires caused by Directed Energy Weapons, Mueller and his band of angry Dems and anti-vaxers.
No, he didn't. There was no lefty conspiracy but rather a shit load of Trump people lying their asses off about contacts with Russians.
Not a crime, unless of course it had been uncovered about a Dem candidate.
Then it would have been non-stop 'lock him/her up.'
That's nice bowl of Hypocrisy Flakes for you, enjoy.
Proposed Chicago casino unattractive to investors because of ‘onerous’ taxes; South and West side sites wouldn’t draw tourists, says a state-hired consultant
By Dan Petrella , Ryan Ori , John Byrne and Jamie Munks
|
AUG 13, 2019 | 12:50 PM
http://www.chicagotribune.com/politics/ct-new-chicago-casino-feasibility-report-20190813-pworka5rzffhdme7yscb4e6n6a-story.html
Union Gaming Analytics’ report says none of the city’s proposed sites would attract enough tourists and recommends choosing a downtown location instead. Even with a more centrally located site, though, the study found that excessive taxes and fees likely would ward off potential operators, who would generate “at best a 1% or 2% return annually.”
At the state’s 10 existing casinos, 5% of the post-payout revenue goes to the local government where the riverboat docks or where the casino is located. The state keeps 10% to 45%, depending on how much revenue the casino generates.
For the Chicago casino, the city’s one-third take of post-payout revenue would be directed to severely underfunded police and firefighter pension plans.
In addition to those taxes, the city casino operator also would have to pay a $250,000 application fee upfront, a $15 million “reconciliation” fee when the license is issued and up to $120 million in gambling position fees — which cost $30,000 each.
The casino is authorized to have up to 4,000 gambling positions — such as slot machines and blackjack tables — with some slot machines possibly going to O’Hare International and Midway airports.
After three years, the casino would have to pay a fee equal to 75 percent of its post-payout revenue from its most lucrative 12-month period, minus the fees paid upfront per gaming position. The study estimates that payment could total as much as $500 million.
Now why would the proposed casino owners pay that?
Utah….Mia Love It! Saw her on TV last week.
I'll bet I'm not the only one who had to look that up....
I'm more familiar with the cat.....
https://www.iflscience.com/physics/schr%C3%B6dinger%E2%80%99s-cat-explained/
Amazing huh? Either no source or Western Journal, Breitbart, Fox, Rasmussen or Bat-Shit Weekly are fine. But our sources?
Nah, it was the USMCR. The closet to live rounds coming at me was working the targets on the rifle range at P.I.
Whether it was a hit or a complete miss there was a distinct snapping sound as the round passed overhead; breaking the sound barrier, I guess.
M-14, 7.62mm full metal jacket.
Live night firing one weekend up at an army camp in WI. Every third round in the magazines was a tracer.
Fast as it went you could follow the track, adjust your aim.
Here's how his live fire exercise will REALLY go...…
C'mon now, my option again...."The option will be called ‘drink-counter, lip reader’."
Count alone will not get one cut-off, slurred words plus the count. Also a gender read will calculate the differing inebriation rates.
Lastly, funny hats are read and stored as a head start.
I thought this through. I may call the company with my ideas.
Dems have an unfair advantage. They generally come in on the heels of yet another failed GOP experiment in supply side economics, usually resulting in a recession and a depressed stock market.
Ground zero for the stock markets is usually a hole dug by the GOP's fairy dust economics.
The wash and rinse is well underway and the repeat is probably not all that far away. And Trump knows it, as his backsliding on his latest tariff threat indicates.
Jeez, and I though my humorously fanciful lead in would soften the story. LOL!
I see it as a turn it on or keep it off tool that would be traffic dependent, and server dependent as well.
New server, called in sick server; it could help.
2-3 deep backing up at the bar? Couldn't hurt.
If it COULD read who was becoming 'over-served' it might be a more credible cut-off coming from a machine. Liability of a bar for DUI might be an issue that drives that function.
Anyway, doesn't sound like it's arriving down under any time soon.
Furnish the quote, you lying sack of shit. And, again, how WOULD the Jews have fended off the Wehrmacht?
Sounds like a wash to me.
Link?
Your asinine assertion is nowhere supported in the article. Have you EVER been able to read for comprehension?
You don't know the meaning of the words you use.
Answer this question, asshole:
And tell me Combat Kelly, WTF are YOU going to do with your concealed carry permit when air and arty are called in on your redoubt?
And refute this point.
Hand guns fending off/credibly deterring the government's use of the military is the kind of fantasy you delusional assholes need to justify opposition to expanded background checks and an assault weapons ban.
Rasmussen Reports polls make use of automated public opinion polling, involving 500 pre-recorded telephone inquiries to land lines for the daily report.[17] These types of polls are believed to produce results at low cost, although some traditional pollsters are skeptical of this methodology and prefer traditional, operator-assisted polling techniques.[18]
Rasmussen's automated survey calls are conducted by Pulse Opinion Research, a firm that licensed methodology developed by Scott Rasmussen.[19] Rasmussen Reports generates revenue by selling advertising and subscriptions.[20]
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rasmussen_Reports
Criticism[edit]
FiveThirtyEight[edit]
In 2010, Nate Silver of the website FiveThirtyEight wrote the article "Is Rasmussen Reports biased?", in which he mostly defended Rasmussen from allegations of bias.[77] However, later in the year, Rasmussen's polling results diverged notably from other mainstream pollsters, which Silver labeled a "house effect."[78]
He went on to explore other factors which may have explained the effect such as the use of a likely voter model,[79] and claimed that Rasmussen conducted its polls in a way that excluded the majority of the population from answering.[80]
After the 2010 midterm elections, Silver concluded that Rasmussen's polls were the least accurate of the major pollsters in 2010, having an average error of 5.8 points and a pro-Republican bias of 3.9 points according to Silver's model.[69] FiveThirtyEight currently rates Rasmussen Reports with a C+ grade and notes a simple average error of 5.3 percent across 657 polls analyzed.[81]
Jonathan Chait[edit]
Jonathan Chait of the New Republic said that Rasmussen is perceived in the "conservative world" as "the gold standard"[82] and suggested the polling company asks the questions specifically to show public support for the conservative position. They cited an example when Rasmussen asked "Should the government set limits on how much salt Americans can eat?" when the issue was whether to limit the amount of salt in pre-processed food.[83]
Other[edit]
The Center for Public Integrity listed "Scott Rasmussen Inc" as a paid consultant for the 2004 George W. Bush campaign.[84] The Washington Post reported that the 2004 Bush re-election campaign had used a feature on the Rasmussen Reports website that allowed customers to program their own polls, and that Rasmussen asserted that he had not written any of the questions nor assisted Republicans.[85]
In 2009 Time magazine described Rasmussen Reports as a "conservative-leaning polling group."[86] John Zogby said in 2010 that Scott Rasmussen had a "conservative constituency."[87] In 2012 The Washington Post called Rasmussen a "polarizing pollster."[88]
Rasmussen has received criticism over the wording in its polls.[89][90] Asking a polling question with different wording can affect the results of the poll;[91] the commentators in question allege that the questions Rasmussen ask in polls are skewed in order to favor a specific response.
For instance, when Rasmussen polled whether Republican voters thought Rush Limbaugh was the leader of their party, the specific question they asked was: "Agree or Disagree: 'Rush Limbaugh is the leader of the Republican Party—he says jump and they say how high.'"[90]
Talking Points Memo has questioned the methodology of Rasmussen's Presidential Approval Index, which takes into account only those who "strongly" approve or disapprove of the President's job performance. TPM noted that this inherently skews negative, and reported that multiple polling experts were critical of the concept.[43] A New York Times article claims Ramussen Reports research has a "record of relying on dubious sampling and weighting techniques."[92]
A 2017 article by Chris Cillizza for CNN raised doubts about Rasmussen's accuracy, drawing attention specifically to potential sampling biases such as the exclusion of calls to cell-phones (which, Cillizza argued, tended to exclude younger voters), and also more generally to a lack of methodological disclosure. Cillizza did, however, note in the same piece that Rasmussen was one of the more accurate polling organizations during the 2016 United States presidential election.[93]
A December 2018 article by political writer and analyst Harry Enten called Rasmussen the least accurate pollster in the 2018 midterm elections after stating Rasmussen had projected the Republicans to come ahead nationally by one point, while at the time Democrats were actually winning the national House vote by 8.6 points - an error of nearly 10 points.[94]
Founder Scott Rasmussen is the author of a book,[95] and was a featured guest on a cruise by the conservative media outlet National Review, along with other conservative luminaries.[96]
And Rasmussen is a notoriously outlier polling shop.
Nah, we're way past the victims of your own stupidity phase.
You're complicit in Trump's amoral, lying, imbecilic, bigoted behavior.
No amount of hand guns and rifles in private hands can conceivably withstand organized military might.
The fantasies about what Jews with guns could have done when the SS kicked in the door, with mg's and tanks in the streets for backup, are ludicrous.
And tell me Combat Kelly, WTF are YOU going to do with your concealed carry permit when air and arty are called in on your redoubt?
Hand guns fending off/credibly deterring the government's use of the military is the kind of fantasy you delusional assholes need to justify opposition to expanded background checks and an assault weapons ban.
It's also moral imbecility.
You are literally reverse engineering reality. You are the very model of a modern Orwellian jackass.
Trump's approval numbers are not improving and the reality based world is increasingly calling him out for the ignorant emotionally unbalanced bigoted asshole that he is.
Yeah, remember the tri-corner hat wearing teabaggers and the dumb as a stump birthers?
Get TF outta here with THAT, gearhead.
Now that's some real bullshit. Who's 'everyone'? Conflating Trump's clearly racist speech and behavior with some amorphous non-specific 'everyone' is intellectual laziness and just plain stupid.
If ALL Americans were thriving Trumps approval rating would not be in the shitter.
At that, it's skewed higher than it should be by the Kool-Aid swilling Trump supporters.
Plus, as far as we know, we witnessed a Cuomo bug, not a feature.
Trump's violence inciting speech is in his DNA. One has no difficulty imagining him an even bigger jerk in private.
Facial Recognition is Coming to Your Local Bar
Future iterations of the A.I Bar Service will alert the bar staffer(s) about who has been ‘over served’. The patron’s picture will appear with the caption; ‘shit-faced…cut ‘im off!’ The option will be called ‘drink-counter, lip reader’.
The service will both count the drinks served to a patron and ‘read’ slurred speech during reorders. Patrons entering the bar wearing a funny hat, so designated on the screen, will be on a shorter number of drinks leash.
Facial Recognition is Coming to Your Local Bar
Anna Wells Aug 13, 2019
https://www.thomasnet.com/insights/facial-recognition-is-coming-to-your-local-bar/?utm_content=featuredvideo&linktype=title&channel=email&campaign_type=thomas_industry_update&campaign_name=tiu190813&utm_campaign=tiu190813&utm_medium=email&utm_source=thomas_industry_update&tinid=221662991
Facial recognition is definitely not everyone’s favorite manifestation of technology advancement, but it’s ostensibly here to help. I mean, for every dozen or so privacy-crushing applications comes one that’s at least a little less scary…
Like this one from the DataSparQ, a data science company out of the UK, that’s looking for ways to improve the experience of ordering a drink from a bar both for patrons and bartenders.
Many people understand the frustration that comes with waiting to order at a crowded bar and being wedged out of the queue by another person who just happens to catch the bartender’s eye first. But it’s not the bartender’s fault, usually, considering there is no real line, just a mob of people with cash in their hands, leaning in.
DataSparQ’s new product – A. I. Bar Service – intends to take the guesswork out of the process and also improve efficiency. The product works by scanning faces as they approach the bar and assigning them a number indicating their place in line. Bar staffers can see the next patron and even be alerted as to whether their ID has already been checked.
Further in-process tweaks could mean a future A. I. Bar Service where a customer’s drink order can be saved within a database, giving patrons the opportunity to, say, re-order their last round from the queue so it’s waiting when they reach the front.
And according to company spokesperson John Wylie, there is an additional benefit. Between uncertain wait times and “queue jumpers” these variables are “adversely affecting consumer behavior in bars and pubs.”
Fewer uncertainties, then, could mean fewer angry confrontations – maybe even fewer physical fights? Maybe so, considering each customer can see their own place in line, displayed on a screen as they wait, essentially mistake-proofing the process. Because we can always rely on adults to behave like children in circumstances in which they are required to wait.
This is how to respond to Trump’s conspiratorial lunacy
https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2019/08/12/this-is-how-respond-trumps-conspiratorial-lunacy/
By Jennifer Rubin
Opinion writer
August 12 at 11:15 AM
The president has topped 12,000 in our database of false and misleading claims, adding about 20 a day in the past two months.
This is how CNN’s State of the Union began on Sunday:
JAKE TAPPER: Hello. I’m Jake Tapper in Washington, where the state of our union is appalled. We begin this morning with a retweet from the president of the United States, not a message about healing or uniting the country one week after two horrifying massacres, not about the victims of those tragedies.
Instead, President Trump using his massive Twitter platform, 63 million followers, to spread a deranged conspiracy theory, tying the death of pedophile Jeffrey Epstein in prison to the president's former political rivals the Clintons.
I’m not going to show you the tweet, but the spokesperson for former president Bill Clinton responded to the president retweeting it, saying — quote — “Ridiculous and, of course, not true, and Donald Trump knows it. Has he triggered the 25th Amendment yet?” . . .
President Trump has also given voice to the lie that the migrant and refugee crisis at the southern border of the U.S. is a plot by Jewish billionaire George Soros to fund a — quote — “invasion.”
That is a conspiracy theory that was the motive for mass slaughter in Pittsburgh and El Paso.
This is no longer just irresponsible and indecent. It is dangerous.
Joining me now from his hometown of El Paso, after having canceled his campaign events for the week to deal with the mourning citizens in his city, Democratic presidential candidate Beto O’Rourke. . .
What was your reaction when you saw the tweets?
BETO O’ROURKE (D), PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: This is another example of our president using this position of public trust to attack his political enemies with unfounded conspiracy theories, and also to try to force you and me and all of us to focus on his bizarre behavior, instead of the fact that we just lost 22 people in this community, nine people in Dayton, Ohio; we’re seeing an epidemic of gun violence every single day in this country. . .
He’s changing the conversation. And if we allow him to do that, then we will never be able to focus on the true problems, of which he is a part, and make sure that we get to the solutions, now, whether that means legislation that keeps guns out of the hands of those who shouldn’t have it.
Credit Tapper with not allowing Trump to use his show as a megaphone for Trump’s insane conspiracy-mongering and reminding viewers that the president feeds conspiracy theories all the time, some of which are the source of inspiration or reaffirmation for violent extremists.
Sen. Cory Booker (D-N.J.) appeared later in the show. When asked about Trump’s Jeffrey Epstein tweet, Booker responded, “You know, this is just more recklessness. What he’s doing is dangerous.” Booker continued: “He’s giving life to not just conspiracy theories, but really whipping people up into anger and worse against different people in this country.
And so this is a tired way that the president does. He’s been using the Clintons as a means for a lot of his false accusations.” Booker reminded us that the Pizzagate conspiracy was another violence-inducing episode. “We see people’s lives being threatened because this president whips up hatred. This is a very dangerous president that we have right now, trying to divide us against each other and really using the same tactics and the same language, not just of white supremacists, but also using the same tactics and languages of the Russians, if you look at the intelligence reports about how they’re coming at our democracy.”
O’Rourke and Booker both made the key points that any responsible official should make. There is a simple formula for responding to these episodes:
1) Reaffirm that they are baseless, crazy theories; 2) Remind Americans that as president, Trump has access to the very best intelligence but instead prefers to spread dark, false conspiracy theories; 3) Trump’s microphone is the loudest in the world, and whether he intends to, his words will stir some unstable and/or evil people to act; and 4) In putting Americans at risk, he violates his oath, and if he believes in what he’s saying, he is also mentally unfit to lead.
The media can go further than these statements. For starters, when a spokesperson such as the notoriously untruthful Kellyanne Conway comes on air to say she “just wants everything to be investigated,” the host has an obligation to call her out for putting words in Trump’s mouth and to compel her (i.e., do not move on with the interview) to admit he is propagating unfounded conspiracy theories. It is also incumbent on the media to grill every Republican who comes on: Is the president doing harm? Do you denounce his actions? Is a president who does this fit to serve?
Finally, as Tapper did, media outlets have to think long and hard about repeating Trump’s conspiracies theories. They also need to consider whether it is responsible to, in essence, republish Trump’s lies and his excuses for lies by giving a platform to his apologists. It is irresponsible to turn over a readership or viewership to apologists who make blatantly false analogies (e.g., claiming Dayton’s shooting was motivated by left-wing conspiracy theories).
Media organizations are not “taking sides” when they exclude false information, information that can be dangerous to boot. This is the trap of false balance.
There is no balance required when it comes to “Did the Clintons kill Epstein?” or “Did Trump actually help propagate conspiracy theories?” There are factual answers (no and yes, respectively), and a responsible media organization does not allow an apologist to suggest that we really don’t know about those Clintons. A legitimate news organization does not provide a forum for hacks to lie that the president “just wants everything to be investigated.”
In short, the story here is threefold. The president is irresponsibly fanning incendiary conspiracy theories and white nationalist tropes; his aides won’t acknowledge that, so they lie about what he’s saying; and Republicans are too cowardly to denounce him or question his mental fitness.
With Trump, his media mouthpieces and social media armies spreading so much misinformation that feeds the atmosphere, the mainstream media has an outsized obligation to provide a true accounting of events. If not, they become complicit.
Clue: Jeffrey Epstein Edition is Gonna be a Huge Seller This Xmas
Monday, August 12th, 2019
by Shower Cap | American Madness Journal |
http://showercapblog.com/clue-jeffrey-epstein-edition-is-gonna-be-a-huge-seller-this-xmas/
I’m a little under the weather today, my friends, and let me just say that adding drowsiness-inducing cough syrup to the day’s news consumption hasn’t exactly been soothing. Just skip any paragraphs about pink elephants, okay?
I missed this one last week, but it seems Jerk-of-All-Trades Mick Mulvaney has a clever little plan to chase some of those pesky scientists out of the federal government by relocating their departments to Kansas City.
Ah, the notorious threat of Proximity to Delicious BBQ. Anyway, I’m looking forward to the inevitable reality TV show where Mick forces the entire Department of the Interior to share a couple of Winnebagos as they tour and inspect America’s national park system.
So, WaPo informs us that the Grifter Grand Wizard is shaking his tiny, inadequate, fists at the sky in rage, because his precious “brand” has become synonymous with racism. I don’t get it. The Central Park Five, the Muslim Ban, “build a wall” chants, “rapists and murderers,” shithole countries, attacks on Elijah Cummings and Baltimore and the Squad, the “very fine people on both sides” speech….old man, you’ve worked HARD for your reputation; fuckin’ OWN IT. It’s like if Ronald McDonald ran around in a sputtering fury, slapping anybody he catches saying “I’m lovin’ it.”
Like, folks’ve started to notice how much you like re-tweeting British hate-monger Katie Hopkins, who is on the extremely short list of Public Figures More Racist Than Donald Trump.
When you’re using the presidential bully pulpit to platform a monster who literally tosses around phrases like “final solution,” and you’re still confused as to how your brand become essentially “the Klan, but gauche,” maybe you’re as stupid as you are racist, which is like, whoa, hellaciously stupid.
But look, in the interest of fairness, would a racist President try to get Israel to ban two Muslim Congresswomen from entry? Oh, I guess he would. So maybe he’s as petty as he is dumb and racist, too.
And surely it’s unfair to label a man “racist” just because he refuses to stop doing Mickey-Rooney-in-Breakfast-at-Tiffany’s voices to mock the leaders of South Korea and Japan, right?
Big shout out to the Hamptons plutocrat class, who responded to Tangerine Idi Amin’s little stand-up routine not with condemnation, but with phat donation checks; we’ve developed a voracious appetite for boycotting you collaborating bastards.
Look, if you really want to clear this branding thing up, maybe you should take out some ads on Tucker Carlson’s White Power Hour; the rates are surely pretty reasonable, what with all the regular sponsors fleeing in the wake of Liar Tuck’s white-supremacy-is-a-hoax-just-ask-the-22-victims-of-the-apparently-imaginary-El-Paso-shooter controversy.
Lindsey Graham remains absolutely horny to repeal the ACA, promising voters that, if returned to power in 2020, his party will finally follow through on their promise to shorten millions of their constituents’ lifespans by stealing their health insurance coverage.
It’s a weird pitch, particularly after the 2018 blue wave blowout, but if these clods insist on repeating their biggest mistakes, I certainly don’t intend to stand in their way.
Walmart finally solved America’s gun violence problem once and for all, ordering the removal of violent video game signage from their stores, and unplugging display consoles, because 9 out of 10 mass shooters are, as we know, motivated by the lingering resentment of being pulled away from the Smash Brothers demo before they’ve finished kicking Bowser’s ass.
Pretty selfish of the Waltons to keep those stations open in spite of the tens of thousands of annual deaths they caused, but thank GOD, we’re out of the woods now.
Actually the gun problem got Bonus Double Solved with Sprinkles, since Universal decided to pull their latest braindead take on The Most Dangerous Game from release.
Whew! I think of all of the lives this gesture will save, and that is zero lives, so maybe now that we’ve gotten all the stupid, stupid, shit out of our systems, we can focus on passing some MOTHERFUCKING GUN CONTROL LAWS, huh?
Meanwhile, another would-be white supremacist Walmart shooter got arrested for threatening a mass murder of his own, but please don’t confuse that twerp with the one who got arrested for terrorizing a totally different Walmart, strolling through the aisles decked out like he was expecting to be teleported to Fallujah at any moment. What the fuck, is there some sort of Massacre a Walmart merit badge in the Jagoff Scouts?
In international news, the Velveeta Vulgarian renewed his contract on the property he’s been leasing half a foot up Kim Jong-un’s ass, once again massaging the third-rate, third-world, autocrat’s ego, while simultaneously trying to extort our long-time allies in South Korea.
Kim, as always, repaid this show of humiliating deference by the leader of the world’s sole superpower by launching a bunch of missiles every seven minutes or so, because of how much he respects you, right Donnie?
Hey, you probably haven’t head about this, but I guess that Jeffrey Epstein fellah killed himself in prison. And America collectively raised one eyebrow in a single, unified, “what’s THIS fuckery, then?” expression, from sea to shining sea.
Now, because I only do this blog twice a week, all the Epstein takes are long gone by now, but I’ll say this; through reactions to this story, you found out EXACTLY how crazy every single person in your social media feed is, didn’t you?
Suddenly, your high school choir teacher, who likes Lisa Murkwoski but seemed more or less stable, is all “THE DEEP STATE FAKED EPSTEIN’S DEATH AND SMUGGLED HIM THROUGH SECRET ILLUMINATI SEWERS INTO THE PIZZAGATE BASEMENT AND GAVE HIM PLASTIC SURGERY SO HE LOOKS LIKE A YOUNG HUME CRONYN NOW.”
Frankly, in comparison to some of the deeply insane shit I saw, I’m actually kinda disappointed in the “the Clintons strike again” crowd. Like, you’re the sweater-wearing suburbanites of conspiracy theorists; the REAL nutjobs find you quaintly pathetic. I bet you listen to James Taylor while you’re mainlining 8chan memes.
So yeah, maybe it was more than a little horrifying to see Circus Peanut Sydney Greenstreet casually accusing his former political opponent of murder, but it was also sort of phoned-in and lame. Isn’t normalization fun? Why, I bet when they start jailing Democratic Congressmen, we’ll barely even notice!
But never fear, Enabler General William Barr is on the motherfuckin’ case, y’all. He’s gonna get to the bottom of just what went wrong in that jail that (checks notes) William Barr, as head of the Justice Department, is ultimately responsible for.
He’s already uncovered “serious irregularities.” Wow, can’t slip anything past you, Billy. Except apparently the life of the most famous prisoner in the entire fucking country.
Revolutionizing international diplomacy in his trademark “custard-brained dullard” style, Government Cheese Goebbels has apparently taken to communicating with Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau via sharpie-scrawl-on-torn-off-magazine-cover; it’s all the little ways he finds to humiliate the country that show us (and Putin) that he really takes his job destroying America seriously.
I guess we’re up to 17 minutes of fame each now, because the fucking Mooch is back, and I guess he’s suddenly decided that pussy-grabbing bigots make bad presidents after all and can he pleez be a Resistance Hero™?now and also be on TV a lot? Whatever.
President Gas Station Urinal Cake’s phony evangelical base, utterly unmoved by the sexual assault, the children ripped from their parents’ arms and thrown into camps, the stealing from charity, the unapologetic incitement of white supremacist terrorism, or the decades of crimes against Perfectly Good Steak, may have finally hit their breaking point, because the Turd Emperor has taken their lord’s name in vain. Does anybody else want to sit these assclowns down someplace, and just ask them what they think the Bible says about stuff? Just out of morbid curiosity?
Stephen Miller and his new playmate Ken Cuccinelli sat down with their crayons (after removing the various shades of brown, of course) and worked up some new ways to fuck over legal immigrants, and Donnie Dotard was so proud of them, he stuck their finished project to the fridge with a magnet shaped of a jar of whitest mayonnaise.
Again, the important thing here is that nobody interprets this obsessive focus on curtailing non-white immigration, while issues like the opioid crisis are totally neglected, as motivated by racism in any way.
Also, the administration famous worldwide for their seething hatred of people is branching out into the exciting new field of hatred of animals. Yeah, the myopic fuckers are weakening the Endangered Species Act, probably as direct vengeance for that one bald eagle video, because America’s bountiful natural heritage is for CUCKS.
And even Dr. Ronny Jackson can’t disguise the rapidly-expanding deficit, which has already eclipsed 2018’s full-year total. This must make Republicans really mad, unless maybe all their bellowing about the debt and the deficit is only a bullshit political cudgel to cynically wield against Democrats when they’re out of power, but they seem like such nice fellows, I’d hate to imply anything unseemly.
Okay, that’s all I got tonight, folks. I can’t say for certain I caught everything, in the midst of my NyQuil daze, but I don’t think I missed any wars…right?
There is ALWAYS a 'tell', usually several of them:
"Sources at the Pentagon expressed concern at the potential threat posed by a nearby Russian research station located 800 miles away, as well as an increasingly hostile local penguin population."