....let me trip your fun meter
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"Ryan's problem is he got too many Atomic Wedgies as the class geek in High School
" - anon
"You know what the only business experience Paul Ryan guy has? As a teenager he drove the Oscar Mayer Wienermoble. A Republican inside a wiener. Usually it's the other way around." –Bill Maher
"Mitt's running mate Paul Ryan — who has dropped out of nowhere and has energized the Republican ticket — he looks like the guy you see on packages of underwear." -David Letterman
Romney, Ryan Refuse To Identify A Tax Loophole They’d Close
Romney, Ryan Refuse To Identify A Tax Loophole They’d Close
OK, all you young & older car buffs, see how you do. Be honest, no cheating. See how you do.
The average score is 73%
http://www.americantorque.com/game/car-show-50s/
OK, all you young & older car buffs, see how you do. Be honest, no cheating. See how you do.
The average score is 73%
http://www.americantorque.com/game/car-show-50s/
absolutely thanks hun ;)
Now Romney says he would keep parts of Obama healthcare law ...
http://news.yahoo.com/romney-says-keep-parts-obama-healthcare-law-155146420.html
CHARTS: Yes, We’re Better Off Than We Were Four Years Ago ...
http://thinkprogress.org/economy/2012/09/04/793041/charts-yes-were-better-off-than-we-were-four-years-ago/
Republicans Have Blocked The American Jobs Act For One Year ...
http://thinkprogress.org/economy/2012/09/07/812251/republicans-blocked-jobs-act-one-year/
of course u knew that the 69 position has been replaced by the 77 position...
u get ate more ;)
****NEVER CROSS A FEMALE****
Wash the damn thing. Letting soap touch it is not washing. Washing is washing. Scrubbing is washing. The cleaner it is, the likelier she'll want to be near it.
Rules for Men
1. Call.
2. Don't lie.
3. Never tape any of her body parts together.
4. If guys' night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.
5. If guys' night out is going to involve strippers, remember the zoo rules: No Petting.
6. The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes."
7. Ditto for "Is she prettier than me?"
8. Victoria's Secret is good. Frederick's of Hollywood is bad.
9. Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad.
10. Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad.
11. "Honey", "Darling", and "Sweetheart" are good. "Nag", "Lardass", and "Bitch" are bad.
12. Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony.
13. A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question.
14. None of your ex-girlfriends were ever nicer, prettier, or better in bed .
15. Her cooking is excellent.
16. That isn't an excuse for you to avoid cooking.
17. Dish soap is your friend.
18. Hat does not equal shower, after shave does not equal soap, and warm does not equal clean.
19. Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay.
20. Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is never going to end that conversation.
21. Ditto for "Whose lipstick is this?"
22. Two words: clean socks.
23. Believe it or not, you're probably not more attractive when you're drunk.
24. Burping is not sexy.
25. You're wrong.
26. You're sorry.
27. She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool car than you think she is.
28. Ditto for your discourse on football.
29. Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a single bound.
30. "Will you marry me?" is good. "Let's shack up together" is bad.
31. Don't assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood.
32. Don't assume PMS doesn't exist.
33. No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything she feels like atthat particular moment in time, and it could change without notice.
34. "But, we kiss..." is not justification for using her toothbrush. You don't clean plaque with your tongue.
35. Never let her walk anywhere alone after 11 pm.
36. Chivalry and feminism are NOT mutually exclusive.
37. Pick her up at the airport. Don't whine about it, just do it.
38. If you want to break up with her, break up with her. Don't act like a complete jerk until she does it for you.
39. Don't tell her you love her if you don't.
40. Tell her you love her if you do. Often.
Women's 50 Rules For Dealing With Men
Do not say what you mean. Ever.
Be ambigious. Always.
Cry. Cry often. Tell them it's their fault.
Bring things up that were said, done, or thought years, months, or weeks ago. Get mad when they don't remember.
Make them apologize for everything.
Stash feminine products in their backpacks and in their books as cute reminders that you were thinking of them.
Gossip. Gossip about everything that walks.
Play Alanis Morissette's "You Outta Know," loud. Look at them. Smile.
Look them in the eye and start laughing.
Cry.
Get mad at them for everything.
Discuss your period in front of them. Watch them squirm.
Hold grudges.
Demand to be e-mailed. Often. Whine when they don't comply.
When complimented, make sure to be paranoid. Take nothing at face value.
Use daddy as a weapon. Tell them about his gun collection, his quick trigger finger, and his affection for his "little princess."
Be late for everything. Yell if they're late.
Talk about your ex-boyfriend 24-7. Compare and contrast.
Go everywhere in groups, especially the bathroom. Do nothing alone. Independence is a sign of weakness.
Cry.
Make them guess what you want and then get mad when they're wrong.
Plan little relationship anniversaries, i.e. the monthly anniversary of the time you saw each other in the library...for five minutes. Then get mad at them for forgetting. Then cry.
Fall for your FAC.
Gather many female friends and dance to "I Will Survive" while they are present. Sing all the words. Sing to them. Sing loud.
Correct their grammar.
Constantly claim you're fat. Ask them. Then cry, regardless of their answer.
Leave out the good parts in stories.
Make sure to only be interested in guys in the same friendship group. Make sure to cause trouble.
Make them wonder. Confusion is a good thing.
Cry.
Declare that you are not wacko.
Criticize the way they dress.
Criticize the music they listen to.
Criticize their hair.
Ignore them. When asked, "What's wrong?" tell them that if they don't know, you're not going to tell them.
Try to change them.
Try to mold them.
Try to get them to dance.
Pretend you're interested, lead them on, then feign ignorance when confronted.
Cry.
When they screw up, never let them forget it.
Make them stay at religious services until they are close to fainting. Just because.
Blame everything on PMS.
Blame everything on PMS only after it has been blamed on them.
Whenever there is silence ask them, "What are you thinking?"
Get mad if they don't notice a haircut. Even if it's only a half inch.
Read into everything.
Over-analyze everything.
Cry.
Make it your goal to make them cry.
Eating right. Staying fit. Die anyway.
Q: Why Was The Gay Fired From His Job At The Sperm Bank?
A: For Drinking On The Job.
A Scotsman went into a phone booth and called a number.
Connected, he said, "Mary, my love, will you marry me? Think it over and call me." He gave her the number of the phone in the booth.
Hours went by and the Scotsman stood around. The phone didn't ring once. Another Scot, watching from a pub across the street, came over and said, "Look, lad. She won't marry you. You might as well come in and have a pint. Not that I'm buying, mind you."
The waiting Scot waved off his friend and continued to wait. Suddenly the phone rang. The Scot said, "Mary's the girl for me, I knew that. She was waiting for the night rates!"
Two women were paired together as partners in a club tournament and met on the putting green for the first time. After introductions, the first golfer asked, "What's your handicap?"
"Oh, I'm a scratch golfer," the other replied.
"Really!" exclaimed the first woman suitably impressed that she was paired up with her.
"Yes, I write down all my good scores and scratch out the bad ones!"
"Darling, do you remember those trout you spent two weeks fishing for back in April?"
"Sure."
"Well, one of them called last night to say you're going to he a father."
It was Chuck, the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who soundly congratulated him and sent him on his way with a money gift envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.
The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house, a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee met him at the door. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she gave him the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, and fresh-squeezed orange juice.
When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.
"All this is just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, 'Fuck him. Give him a dollar'. The breakfast was my idea."
Lena and Sven got married in St. Paul. They planned to honeymoon in Lena's aunt's cabin in Duluth. They caught a bus that was filled with deer hunters. About 30 minutes out of St. Paul the bus broke down right next to a nice hotel. Sven said to Lena, "Lena, there's a comfortable hotel right here. How about consummating our marriage?"
Lena replied, "No. I vant to wait till ve get to Duluth."
The repaired bus took off. Fifty miles down the road, it broke down again. This time it was next to a good looking motel.
Sven turned to Lena and asked, "Look Lena. There's a nice motel. Can ve consummate our marriage?"
Lena said, "No. I vant to wait till ve get to Duluth."
The bus was repaired and off they went. Ten miles down the road, the bus broke down. This time they were our in the woods. However, there was a little clearing out of the sight of the bus.
Lena turned to Sven, "I tink ve should go back into the voods and do it."
Later when they returned the bus, Sven asked Lena, "Earlier ve vere next to a nice hotel and you said "No". Then, ve vere by a motel and you said "No". But, here ve vent out into the grassy voods and did it. Why?"
Lena said, "I vas listening to the hunters. They said if the bus broke down again, the fucking season vould be over."
John and Jill were about to go into his apartment and before he could open his door, Jill said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door."
John says, "Well, give me some examples."
Jill proceeds to tell him, "Well, the first way is, if a guy shoves his key in the lock, and opens the door hard, then that means he is a rough lover and that isn't for me.
"The second way is if a man fumbles around and can't seem to find the hole, then that means he is inexperienced and that isn't for me either."
Then Jill said, "Honey, how do you unlock your door?"
John proceeds to say, "Well, first before I do anything else, I lick the lock."
Q: What's the speed limit of sex?
A: 68; at 69 you have to turn around.
This guy was walking down a street in Texas and this hooker says, "Say, wanna have a good time? We do things in a big way down here in Texas."
"Sure," he says and they were off to the nearest motel. She takes off her clothes and he keeps staring at her. She says, "Is this the first pussy you seen since you crawled out of one?"
The guy says, "No, just the first one I've seen big enough to crawl back into."
Women's Rules for Men
The female always makes The Rules.
The Rules are subject to change without prior notification.
No male can possibly know all The Rules.
If the female suspects the male knows all The Rules, she must immediately change some or all of The Rules.
The female is never wrong.
If the female is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was the direct result of something the male did or said wrong.
If Rule 6 applies, the male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.
The female may change her mind at any time.
The male must never change his mind without the expressed written consent of the female.
The female has every right to be angry and upset at any time.
The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.
The female must under no circumstances let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.
The male is expected to mind read at all times.
The male who does not abide by The Rules cannot take the heat, lacks backbone, and is a wimp.
Any attempt to document The Rules could result in bodily harm.
If the female has PMS, all The Rules are null and void.
The female is ready when she is ready.
The male must be ready at all times.
girls always win :)
of course not i hate peeing on my shoes and socks ;)
t/y it must be con
Q: What's the difference between a Boner and a Bonus?
A: There's a good chance your wife's gonna blow the bonus.
I'm getting so absent minded that sometimes in the middle of a sentence I
I'm getting so absent minded that sometimes in the middle of a sentence I
The parish priest went on a fishing trip. On the last day of his trip he hooked a monster fish and proceeded to reel it in.
The guide, holding a net, yelled, "look at the size of that Son of a Bitch!"
"Son, I'm a priest. Your language is uncalled for!"
"No, Father, that's what kind of fish it is--a Son of a Bitch fish!"
"Really? Well then, help me land this Son of a Bitch!"
Once in the boat, they marveled at the size of the monster. "Father, that's the biggest Son of a Bitch I've ever seen."
"Yes, it is a big Son of a Bitch. What should I do with it?"
"Why, eat it of course. You've never tasted anything as good as a Son of a Bitch!"
Elated, the priest headed home to the rectory.
While unloading his gear and his prize catch, Sister Mary inquired about his trip.
"Take a look at this big Son of a Bitch I caught!"
Sister Mary gasped and clutched her rosary, "Father!"
"It's OK, Sister. That's what kind of fish it is--a Son of a Bitch fish!"
"Oh, well then, what are you going to do with that big Son of a Bitch?"
"Why, eat it of course. The guide said nothing compares to the taste of a Son of a Bitch."
Sister Mary informed the priest that the new Bishop was scheduled to visit in a few days and that they should fix the Son of a Bitch for his dinner.
"I'll even clean the Son of a Bitch", she said.
As she was cleaning the huge fish, the Friar walked in. "What are you doing Sister?"
"Father wants me to clean this big Son of a Bitch for the new Bishops' dinner."
"Sister! I'll clean it if you're so upset! Please watch your language!"
"No, no, no, it's called a Son of a Bitch fish".
"Really? Well, in that case, I'll fix up a great meal to go with it, and that Son of a Bitch can be the main course! Let me know when you've finished cleaning that Son of a Bitch."
On the night of the new Bishop's visit, everything was perfect. The Friar had prepared an excellent meal. The wine was fine, and the fish was excellent.
The new Bishop said, "This is great fish, where did you get it?"
"I caught that Son of a Bitch!" proclaimed the proud priest.
The Bishop's eyes opened wide, but he said nothing.
"And I cleaned the Son of a Bitch!" exclaimed the Sister.
The Bishop sat silent in disbelief.
The Friar added, "And I prepared the Son of a Bitch, using a special recipe!"
The new Bishop looked around at each of them. Slowly a big smile crept across his face as he said, "You fuckers are my kind of people."
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall.
They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again.
The boy asked, "What is this, Father?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button.
The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room.
The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then as these numbers began to light in reverse order.
The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24 year old woman stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said qu ietly to his son, "Go get your Mother".
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall.
They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again.
The boy asked, "What is this, Father?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button.
The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room.
The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then as these numbers began to light in reverse order.
The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24 year old woman stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said qu ietly to his son, "Go get your Mother".
If You Want to Achieve Greatness Stop Asking For Permission
who had the line or post that mentioned the gop dolts signed an pledge to "an un-elected lobbyist"?
y/w
Can we elect a new Congress?
A Congress that is not obstructionist?
A congress that cares about America?
A Congress that does not sign a pledge to a non elected lobbyist?
Man Comes within Seconds of Death as Lightning Rips Tree Down
62 reasons why cucumbers are better than men (R)
1. The average cucumber is at least six inches long.
2. Cucumbers stay hard for a week.
3. A cucumber won't tell you size don't count.
4. Cucumbers don't get TOO excited.
5. A cucumber never suffers from performance anxiety.
6. Cucumbers are easy to pick up.
7. You can fondle cucumbers in a supermarket... and you know how firm it is before you take it home.
8. Cucumbers can get away any weekend.
9. With a cucumber you can get a single room and ... you won't have to check in as 'Mrs. Cucumber'.
10. A cucumber will always respect you in the morning.
11. If you can go to the movie with a cucumber and see the movie at a drive in you can stay in the front seat.
12. A cucumber can always wait until you get home.
13. A cucumber won't eat all the popcorn.
14. A cucumber won't drag you out to a John Wayne Film Festival.
15. A cucumber won't ask: 'Am I first?'
16. Cucumbers don't care whether you're a virgin.
17. Cucumbers won't tell other cucumbers you're a virgin.
18. Cucumbers won't tell anyone you're not a virgin.
19. With cucumbers, you don't have to be a virgin more than once.
20. Cucumbers won't write your name and number on men's room wall.
21. Cucumbers don't have sex hang-ups.
22. Cucumbers won't ask: 'Am I the best', 'How was it?' 'Did you come?', 'How many times?'
23. Cucumbers aren't jealous of your gynecologist, ski instructor or hair dresser.
24. Cucumbers won't ask about your last lover or speculate about your next one.
25. A cucumber will never make a scene because there are other cucumbers in the refrigerator.
26. A cucumber won't mind hiding in the refrigerator when your mother comes over.
27. No matter how old you are you can always get a fresh cucumber.
28. You can dish a cucumber up for dinner to your Brother-in law
& Sister, after fucking it.
29. Cucumbers can handle rejection.
30. A cucumber won't pout if you have a headache.
31. A cucumber won't care what time of the month it is.
32. A cucumber never wants to get it on when your nails are wet.
33. A cucumber won't give it up for lent.
34. With a cucumber, you never have to say you're sorry.
35. Cucumbers won't leave whisker burns, fall asleep on your chest or drool on the pillow.
36. A cucumber will never give you a hickey.
37. Cucumbers can stay up ALL night and you won't have to sleep
in the wet spot.
38. A cucumber won't work your crossword in ink.
39. A cucumber isn't allergic to your cat.
40. Cucumbers never answer your phone or borrow your car.
41. A cucumber won't eat all your food or drink all your liquor.
42. A cucumber doesn't turn your bathroom into a library.
43. Cucumbers won't go through your medicine chest.
44. A cucumber doesn't use your toothbrush, roll-on or hairspray.
45. Cucumbers won't leave dirty shorts on the floor.
46. A cucumber never forgets to flush the toilet.
47. A cucumber doesn't flush the toilet while you're in the shower.
48. With a cucumber, the toilet seat is always the way you left it.
49. Cucumbers don't compare you to a centerfold.
50. Cucumbers won't tell you they liked you better with long hair.
51. A cucumber will never leave you for another man, another woman or another cucumber.
52. You will always know where your cucumber has been.
53. A cucumber never has to call 'the wife'.
54. Cucumbers won't tell you a vasectomy will ruin it for them.
55. You can have as many cucumbers as you can handle.
56. You only eat cucumbers when you feel like it.
57. You don't have to wait for halftime to talk to your cucumber.
58. A cucumber won't leave town on New Years Eve.
59. Cucumbers never want to take you home to mom.
60. Cucumbers never expect you to have little cucumbers.
61. It's easy to drop a cucumber.
62. A cucumber will never contest a divorce, demand a property settlement or seek custody of anything.