Planning
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He would have then gotten a Milt Papas smear.
Actually he was born in NYC!
That explains the clenched cheeks.
Homeland Security has now activated new programs that will record every click of your mouse. However, they say the average user will not even notice it.
http://users.chartertn.net/tonytemplin/FBI_eyes
Rumor has it, he failed his Colonoscopy.
My Dad is 91 and a Sox fan. He was born in Springfield MA. he thinks he remembers something about a WS, but then again it could be he's senile.
I would like to see the Sox win for him!
Wouldn't ya know the Sox would import someone from NY to run the team. lol.
I hope that's not a terrorist driving.
lownumba, You have to explain everything to Soxfan(s).
Perhaps he needs a colonoscopy to see what you mean.
Soxfan, My take on your new GM, they are maturing him to be ready when the jinx expires in 2018.
If it walks like a duck......
And finally,
Why did the duck go ring-ring?
He got a phone bill.
*****
What do you call a formal dance for ducks?
A fowl ball.
*****
What kind of ducks rob banks?
Safe quackers.
*****
Why was the duck unhappy?
His bill was in the mail.
*****
What kind of doctor treats a duck?
A quack doctor!
*****
What kind of weather excites a pet duck?
Fowl weather, of course!
*****
Why did the duck put its head in the stream?
To liquidate its bill.
*****
Why did the duck leave the stream?
It had more interest in the bank.
*****
Once upon a time, there were 3 little ducks who lived by a peaceful pond.One day they got into trouble and were sent to Bob - the duck who was in charge of the pond. The first one stepped up in front of Bob and looked at the ground. Bob asked,"What's your name?" The little duck replied, "Duck." "Why did you get sent to me?" queried Bob. "I was blowing bubbles in the pond," answered Duck. "You know you're not supposed to do that. It's against the rules. You're suspended from the pond for one week." Duck waddled away.
The second duck approached Bob. "What's your name?" Bob asked. The little duck replied, "Duck, Duck." "Why did you get sent to me?" Bob asked. "I was blowing bubbles in the pond," answered Duck Duck. "You know you're not supposed to do that. It's against the rules. You're suspended from the pond for one week." Duck Duck waddled away.
Now Bob was pretty smart and thought he had discovered a pattern. When the third little duck waddled up to him Bob said, "Let me guess. You're Duck,Duck, Duck?" "No," replied the little duck. "I'm Bubbles.
PC, Come on you have got to do better than that!
In the days of the Depression, a family had trapped a few ducks. As they needed some things only money could buy, the father requested his three sons take a duck each and travel off trying to sell them. They agreed and headed off on seperate ways.
The youngest of them knocked on the door of a nearby farm house and a shapely young blonde farm girl answered the door.
"S'cuse me ma'am" said the guy. "I'm wunderin' if y'd be intrested in buyin this here duck frum me". The women replied "I'd sure like me that plump duck to cook fur our supper, but I aint got no money to spare". "How about a f*ck for it?" she asked. The man didn't hesitate and replied "Sure!".
After they'd done the deal, the lonely farm girl said "If'n yer f*ck me again - ya can have the duck back".
So he did, and afterwards headed off along the road with the duck still under his arm. Soon a large truck roared past the man which frightened the duck so much that it jumped out of his arms and right under the wheels where it was squashed.
The truck driver stopped and got out to speak with the man who explained that he was out trying to get money for his family by selling the duck. The truck driver felt remorse and offered the guy a dollar for his trouble. The man agreed and headed for home with the money in his pocket.
That evening as they all gathered around the table, the father asked them how they did.
The first son replied "I done good pa, I got me three dollars fur my duck".
The second son replied "I done better 'n him pa, I got five dollars".
Then the third son leaned back in his chair showing a cheeky grin and said "I done better 'n all uf yers, I got a f*ck for a duck, a duck for a f*ck and a buck for a f*cked up duck!".
Susie's nose made me do it. quack Quack
I taught I saw a duck! Quack Quack.
Paulie, It's about time you got here. We need to trash this joint before fung gets back!
Five doctors went duck hunting one day. Included in the group were a general
practice (GP) physician, a pediatrician, a psychiatrist, a surgeon and a
pathologist.
After a time, a bird came winging overhead. The first to react was the GP
who raised his shotgun, but then hesitated.
"I'm not quite sure it's a duck," he said, "I think that I will have to get
a second opinion." And of course by that time, the bird was long gone.
Another bird appeared in the sky thereafter. This time, the pediatrician
drew a bead on it. He too, however, was unsure if it was really a duck in
his sights and besides, it might have babies. "I'll have to do some more
investigations," he muttered, as the creature made good its escape.
Next to spy a bird flying was the sharp-eyed psychiatrist. Shotgun
shouldered, he was more certain of his intended prey's identity. "Now, I
know it's a duck, but does it know it's a duck?" The fortunate bird
disappeared while the fellow wrestled with this dilemma.
Finally, a fourth fowl sped past and this time the surgeon's weapon pointed
skywards. BOOM!! The surgeon lowered his smoking gun and turned
nonchalantly to the pathologist beside him. "Go see if that was a duck, will
you?"
Duck Tape
An old man was sitting on his front porch down in Louisiana watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. He yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" The boy yells back "Roll of chicken wire." Old man says "What you gonna do with that?" Boy says "Gonna catch some chickens." Old man yells "Your a damn fool, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire!" The boy just laughs and keeps walking.
That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the old man's surprise he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it.
Same time next morning the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of round in his hand. Old man yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" Boy yells back "Roll of duck tape." Old man says "What you gonna do with that?" Boy says back "Gonna catch me some ducks." Old man yells back, "Your a damn fool, you can't catch ducks with duck tape!" The boy just laughs and keeps walking.
That night around sunset the boy walks by coming home and to the old man's amazement he is trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duck tape with about 35 ducks caught in it.
Same time next morning the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end. Old man says "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" Boy says "It's a pussy willow." The old man says "Hang on, I'll get my hat."
A Duck walks into a drugstore and says " Please give me a condom".
The druggest says " OK...shall I put it on your bill?"
The Duck says " HEY !! What kind of a Duck do you think I am ? "
A duck went to a plastic surgeon, 'Im ugly' he said. The plastic surgeon took a photo of the duck and scanned it into a computer. The surgeon then started rearranging the ducks features on the photo and at the same time, told the duck how much it would cost. 'Is that ok?' asked the surgeon, 'no' replied the duck, 'the bills too high!'
A duck walks into a pharmacy, and asks for Chapstick. The cashier says, "Cash or check?" and the duck says,
"Just put it on my bill."
Quack, quack, quack.
Rules For Bedroom Golf
> >
> > 1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play; normally one
> > club and two balls.
> >
> > 2. Play on course must be approved by the owner of the hole.
> >
> > 3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole while
> > getting the balls as close to the hole as possible without actually
going
> > in.
> >
> > 4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course
> > owner is permitted to check the shaft for stiffness before play begins.
> >
> > 5. Course owners have the right to restrict the length of the club to
> > avoid damage to the hole.
> >
> > 6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until
> > the owner is satisfied that play is complete. Failure to do so may
result
> > in being denied permission to play the course again.
> >
> > 7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediatly upon
> > arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time
to
> > admire the entire course, with special attention to the well-formed
> > bunkers.
> >
> > 8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played
or
> > are currently playing to the owners of the course being played. Upset
> > course owners have been known to damage a players equipment for this
> > reason.
> >
> > 9. Players are encouraged to have proper rain gear at all times.
> >
> > 10. When a new course is being played, players should assure themselves
> > that their match is properly scheduled. Other players have been known
to
> > become irate when they discover someone is playing what they consider
> > a private course.
> >
> > 11. Players should not assume a course is ready for play at all times.
> > Some players may be embarrased if they find the course to be temporarily
> > under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this
> > situation. More advanced players will find alternate means of play when
> > this is the case.
> >
> > 12. Players are advised to obtain the course owners permission before
> > attempting the back nine.
> >
> > 13. Slow play is encouraged! However, players should be prepared to
speed
> > up play at the course owners request.
> >
> > 14. It is considered outstanding performance , time permitting, to play
> > the same hole several times in one match.
> >
> > 15. The course owner will be the sole judge of who is the best player.
> >
> > 16. Players are advised to think twice before considering membership at
a
> > particular course. Additional assessments are likely to be leveled by
the
> > course owner, and the rules of play are subject to change. For
> > this reason, many players prefer to continue playing several different
> > courses.
> >
Fung, The "real" speech,
There is a piece zooming around the internet that attributes some pretty forceful statements to me, Dick Hawley – one time fighter pilot, General, thoughtful consultant, neophyte strategist, master of the artful compromise. The words did not flow from my pen, but if the e-mails mean anything, those words are now indelibly linked to my name.
So do me a favor: if you receive this, please send it on to the same people to whom you forwarded the one that I did not write. It's not that I don't share many, if not most, of the sentiments attributed to me, but the piece is just not my style.
Here's what I would have said if I'd been asked to comment on those five important issues:
Goodness, Evil and Relativity
There are some really good people in this world. They volunteer to help those who need it, and ask nothing in return. There are also some really bad people in this world. They exploit those who need help, or who have less wit or "charisma", and motivate them to join in committing unspeakable acts of cruelty against people they don't even know. Then there are the rest of us. Average people who try each day to do no harm, to provide for their families, to do an occasional act of kindness. The evil that was perpetrated against our land on 9/11 was the product of Mullahs who see our prosperity and power as a threat to their control over the uneducated Muslim masses on whose shoulders they ride through life. And so they preach hate. They are evil.
Violence begets violence
It's true. Violence does beget violence. But sometimes there is no alternative but to confront those who would perpetrate evil acts against us. This is one of those times. We are blessed to have courageous men and women willing to put their lives on the line to track down and annihilate those who have been so imbued with evil as to be beyond redemption. But violence is not a strategy. It is a necessary and fully justified reaction to an unimaginable threat. But it is not a strategy. If we are to win this war, we must defeat the Mullahs. And to defeat the Mullahs, we must find ways to separate them from their uneducated flocks. We cannot kill all those who have been taught to hate us, nor should we wish to. Far better to change their minds than to change their state of being.
The intelligence community let us down
Well, maybe just a little. Lots of senior and not so senior intelligence people became just as enamored of high tech gadgets as their political masters. The protests over our evisceration of the human intelligence component of the agency were not very loud or forceful. Keeping spies on the ground is a high risk and often dirty business, and it wasn't just liberal politicians who didn't have much stomach for it.
Poverty is the breeding ground for terrorists
No, it isn't; but religious extremism is. The Mullahs fear our wealth and power because it shows that a secular society with democratic institutions and a free market economy can do a better job of taking care of its peoples' needs, both spiritual and physical, than the oppressive Islamic regimes that they aspire to lead. The Mullahs are the problem, not poverty, but poverty does make it easier for the Mullahs to spread their evil — as do governments that tolerate and even reinforce their hateful message.
Profiling
We are at war here! We are not talking about traffic stops. If we were at war with Iceland, I would expect those charged with our defense to pay very close attention to any Icelander who ventured near our shores. In this war I expect them to pay very close attention to Muslims with ties to the places that spew hatred against us. Random checks when there are no such obvious targets available are a good way to keep the evil ones guessing, but let's not make small children and grandmothers take their shoes off while we watch far more likely candidates walk aboard unchecked.
Resolutions
Never forget that what happened on September the 11th of 2001 was an act of war.
Never sit silently by while someone tries to justify what happened on that day as an understandable reaction to U.S. policies in the Middle East or elsewhere.
Fly our nation's flag proudly — it represents this world's greatest hope to move beyond the pain and suffering that inflict so many across the globe.
Richard E. Hawley
General, USAF, Retired
Former Commander, Air Combat Command
Soxfan, Bar owners show no allegiance to teams when it comes to selling beer. In fact the best days were when the Yanks came to town and populated the joint!
How's the therapy progressing?
I'll go get him. eom
Soxfan, Back to therapy. The Zim was so upset he changed his stripes. Pinstripes that is. A made a ton that day covering all takers in Woosta that day.
BTW I used to be good friends with the owner of the Cask & Flagon.
Soxfan, It's funny how they can't pronounce Woosta. Now to tick you off, I migrated to central MA after college from NYC and took alot of money off of Red Sox Fans.
Can you say Bucky Dent without getting ill.
AK, You quack me up!
I think you'll be food for the grubs when he gets done with you.
Huck, A most timely and fitting reply.
That's a keeper till Fung returns with his wrath!
Watch what you say about Huck! He is a fine upstanding character that Fung will vouch for.
Susie, Bailey will still love ya. You can't keep a good dog down. ;)
What do you expect from a pair of Derfettes. Huck I need you!
OooooooH you are turning into a real snob. Must have been that nose bob job. BTW I hope everything turned out okay! Email me. TIA as I forgot to ask in my stressed confusion.
It's obvious you are the one that is not in the know. How do you explain this,
http://www.turko.net/a-e/estelle%20warren/ew36.jpg
I know Derf better than that. He might have traded his wife for a young thang though!
Huck, for 185,642.85 shares of PCBM we can become lifetime members and haunt this place forever!
Fortunately I don't own that many shares anymore.