Planning
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Susie, Derf said I got to let you play. Can I borrow your stoop?
You give JMC too much credit for being on any team. eom
Jmc has been whining for 3 days now and is still not over it. I don't think there is a Surf connection however. I think he was so stuck watching L2 he forgot to watch his own trades. LOL.
Fung, Hope you can speed read. LOL.
the American
Medical Association Researchers have made a remarkable
discovery.
It seems that some patients who need blood transfusions
may benefit from receiving *chicken* blood rather than
human blood.
No kidding.
You see, it seems to make the men cocky and the women
lay better.
UP4Now vs Cheri......
Men are from Mars and women not from Mars
Cheri's Side of the Story:
My significant other was in an odd mood Saturday night. We planned to meet at a cafe for a drink. I spent the afternoon shopping with the girls and I thought it might have been my fault because I was a bit later than I promised, but he didn't say anything much about it. I don't remember doing anything to make him upset, but could tell there was something wrong.
The conversation was quite slow going so I thought we should go off to some place intimate so we could talk more privately. We went to this restaurant and he was STILL acting a bit funny. I was getting really worried, what did I do? What was bothering him? Was he mad at me? I tried to cheer him up, but started to wonder what was bothering him. Was it me or something else? I
asked him if he was upset with me, he said no. But I wasn't really sure.
So anyway, in the car on the way back home, I said that I loved him deeply and he just put his arm around me. I didn't know what the heck that meant because, you know, he didn't say it back or anything.
We finally got back home and I was wondering if he was going to leave me!
So I tried to get him to talk but he just switched on the TV.
Reluctantly, I said I was going to go to bed. Then after about 10 minutes, he joined me and to my surprise, we made love. But, he still seemed really distracted, so afterwards I wanted to confront him but didn't, so I just cried myself to sleep.
I just don't know what to do anymore. I mean, I really think he's seeing someone else.
Up4Now's Side of the Story:
Played badly today --- shot 87 - - -can't putt for crap!. Felt kinda tired.
Got laid though.
I dunno.........
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say " I think I'll squeeze those dangly things there, and drink what ever comes out?"
Who was the first one who thought that the white thing that came out of a chicken's butt looked edible?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island could make a radio out of a coconut, why couldn't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when asking where the bathroom is?
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours when they are BOTH dogs?
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
Why is the person who handles your money called a "Broker"?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If corn oil is made from corn, and fish oil is from fish, what is baby oil made from?
Do illiterate people get their money's worth from Alphabet Soup?
Why does a dog get mad at you when you blow in its face, and yet the first thing it does when you take it for a ride in the car is stick its head out the window?
Why is it that when a person tells you that there are a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to be sure?
"SHORT FUNNIES"
Q: What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
A: Juan on Juan.
Q: What is a Yankee?
A: The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
Q. What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?
A: One US leader.
Q: What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
A: Donuts.
Q: What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together?
A: 100 people who don't do dick
Bull, Unfortunately my Jet(s) are still in a holding pattern awaiting clearance to land. If this keeps up we could be up here all day.
Where do I order one of those for the house? I'm sure it would save on trip's to the Corner Bar, and gas for my SUV.
AK, I thought lawyers knew how to keep it brief! Obviously no speed reader here. Glad I'm not paying him by the post.
Up4Now, Glad to see you're still UP! I will go back to lurking now as Happy Hour is about to end.
Obviously no need for Nu-Skin in that household. Seems Cheri can't hold up her end.
AK made me do it. Sitting home alone without a girl on his lap he requested a straight man! Seems he ran out of Gingko and can't remember WTF he left his Viagra.
Derf, JMCJMC has been having fits over GUNS cleaning up on PCBM. JMC vows never to sell PCBM until it hits triple figures.
The Jets lost. Anybody like Dennis Rodman? Its time to talk basketball!
AK, You forgot the Surgeon Generals disclosure.
Typical MS, nothing happened.
The last message on Susie's computer.
That excuse is too old. My dog ate my homework.
Just what I need, a lawyer from AOHELL.
I think Susie was writing to Microsoft to complain....
Does that involve more money or does he do pro bono work?
AK, So if one forks over for a lifetime membership, and you get jailed, how does one post bond?????
Susie should have upgraded to the latest Window's product....
What actually happened to Susie's computer....
Is that Surf's office?
lol.
Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.
Q: Why did the blonde take her typewriter to the doctor?
A: She thought it was pregnant because it missed a period.
Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an F in sex.
Q: Why was the blonde fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.
Q: Why do blondes have square breasts?
A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.
What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Derf's pickup lines......
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock.
I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be McGorgeous.
If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house.
If your left leg was Thanksgiving and your right leg Christmas, can I visit you between the Holidays?
Was your dad a farmer? Cause you sure have great melons.
Why the Cowboys couldn't win....
Barry Switzer, clearly upset about the Dallas Cowboy's losing record, decides to find out from Steve Mariucci what his secret is. So, Switzer travels up to a 49'ers practice and asks Mariucci, "Coach, how is it that your team is so good? What's your secret?"
Mariucci responds by calling Steve Young over. "Steve, who's your father's brother's nephew?" Young answers, "Why coach, that's easy. It's me."
Mariucci turns to Switzer and says, "That's the secret, Barry. A smart quarterback. You've got to have a smart quarterback."
Thinking he's finally got all the tools he needs, Switzer returns to Texas and the Cowboys work-out. He promptly calls over Troy Aikman. "Aikman! Who's your father's brother's nephew?" Troy looks perplexed, thinks a minute and says, "Coach, can I get back to you after practice on that one?" Switzer (disgusted) says, "OK."
During practice, Aikman calls over Deion Sanders. "Deion, coach just asked me the weirdest question. Who's your father's brother's nephew?" Sanders: "Duh! That's easy. It's me!"
After practice, Aikman catches up with Switzer: "Coach, I think I've got it. My father's brother's nephew is Deion Sanders."
Switzer (angry): "No, No, NO! You idiot!! It's Steve Young!!!
A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die."
The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
"Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"
"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
"Oh yeah?" the man asked... "And where were you when I got married?"
For the host here......
An Arab has spent many days crossing the desert without finding a source of water. It gets so bad that his camel dies of thirst. He's crawling through the sands, certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a sudden he sees a shiny object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him. He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers that he has a Manischevitz wine bottle. It appears that there may be a drop or two left in the bottle, so he unscrews the top and out pops a genie.
But this is no ordinary genie. This genie appears to be a Chasidic rabbi, complete with black alpaca coat, black hat, side curls, etc. "Well, kid", says the genie. "You know how it works, you have three wishes."
"I am not going to trust you," says the Arab. "I am not going to trust a Jewish genie!"
What do you have to lose? It looks like you are a goner anyway!"
The Arab thinks about this for a minuite, and decides that the genie is right. "OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plentiful food and drink."
***POOF***
The Arab finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen. He is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.
"OK, kid, what's your second wish?" "My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams."
***POOF***
The Arab finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.
"OK, kid, you have one more wish." "Better make it a good one!"
After thinking a few minutes, the Arab says: "I wish I were white and surrounded by beautiful women."
***POOF***
The Arab is turned into a Tampax.
The moral of the story is: If you do business with a Jewish genie there's a string attached.
Three animals were having a huge argument over who was the
best: The first, a hawk, claimed that because of his ability
to fly, he could attack anything repeatedly from above, and
his prey had nary a chance. The second, a lion, based his
claim on his strength---none in the forest dared to challenge
him. The third, a skunk, insisted he needed neither flight
nor strength to frighten off any creature. As the trio
debated the issue, a grizzly bear came along and swallowed
them all: hawk, lion and stinker!