Tornado Alley (PROG)

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CHILDREN’S LETTERS TO MEGYN KELLY
POSTED BY ANDY BOROWITZ



Dear Megyn Kelly,

For Christmas, could I please have a black Power Ranger? Thank you.

Sincerely,

Bobby, age six

***

Dear Bobby,

Unfortunately, we do not have any Power Rangers in stock in the color you requested. Colors available include: white.

Merry Christmas,

Megyn Kelly

P.S.: Bobby, because you’re only six, you probably don’t know this, but when you use the words “black” and “power” together, they become swear words. Never say that again.

***
Dear Megyn Kelly,

For Christmas, I would please like a white My Little Pony.

Sincerely,

Jessica, age five

***

Dear Jessica,

I just checked, and we do have a My Little Pony in the color you requested. However, I see from the postmark on your letter that you live in the South Bronx. Sorry! Megyn Kelly’s sleigh does not deliver there.

Merry Christmas,

Megyn Kelly

***
Dear Megyn Kelly,

My big brother says you’re not real, and I say you are. Who’s right?

Sincerely,

Madison, age four

***

Dear Madison,

If you believe in Megyn Kelly in your heart, then Megyn Kelly is real. On the other hand, if you don’t believe in Megyn Kelly, then you’re not real. That means your brother doesn’t exist, so stop talking to him.

Merry Christmas,

Megyn Kelly

***
Dear Megyn Kelly,

What color is the President?

Sincerely,

Cody, age five

***

Dear Cody,

Historians are in agreement that a real President is always white. He just is. Now, some people like to make believe that President Obama is a real President, and they get really upset when they learn the truth. Here’s what Megyn Kelly thinks: if you believe in your heart that President Obama is President, he still isn’t.

Merry Christmas,

Megyn Kelly

***
Dear Megyn Kelly,

For Christmas, could I please have a black Power Ranger? Thank you.

Sincerely,

Bobby, age six

***

Dear Bobby,

I already warned you never to say that. Now I’m contacting the police.

Merry Christmas,

Megyn Kelly
http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/2013/12/childrens-letters-to-megyn-kelly.html