Wednesday, September 25, 2013 9:18:15 PM
Ted Cruz Cures Rush Limbaugh's Erectile Dysfunction
Right around 12 pm EST today, Party of One Ted Cruz wrapped up his pointless nonfilibuster so he could appear on the Rush Limbaugh Show.
The right wing talk show host is the poster boy for limp noodles, having been detained for having someone else's name on his Viagra prescription and running loads of ads for pecker pills on his floundering radio program.
But not today.
Limbaugh was audibly aroused as he waited for the Texas senator to join him:
"It's not theater. This is real. This is about freedom. I know to a lot of people that sounds corny. 'Freedom, come on, Rush, our freedom isn't threatened.' Oh, but it is. In ever so small, incremental losses, it is. It's what Obamacare is all about. It's precisely what Obamacare is all about, the loss of individual freedom, the loss of free markets. Ted Cruz is fighting for freedom in the greatest tradition of American freedom fighters."
Only George Washington's greatest accomplishment wasn't staying up all night talking Duck Dynasty and White Castle burgers on C-SPAN.
Cruz and Limbaugh actually have quite a lot in common. Both of them have become increasingly marginalized--Limbaugh continuing to pitch his 1950s racist, sexist schtick to a dwindling audience because it's the only skill he has, and Cruz shrilly pushing his Tea Party agenda to the point where GOP mainstays like John "Grumpy Gramps" McCain "fucking hates" him, according to a McCain adviser.
On Tuesday evening, as the senator prattled on and on to an empty chamber--abandoned by most of his GOP colleages--The Daily Show's Jon Stewart lambasted Cruz's claim that Obamacare will cause subsidy addiction:
"You know how America is with entitlements — it’s like crack to us. You give us one small taste of Social Security, and suddenly we’re all sucking the glass dick of not having our old people freeze to death and live off of cat food."
Stewart also showed a clip from a $750,000 campaign to scare young people into opting out of health care by cynically preying on their fear of rectal exams:
But I digress.
When Cruz eventually did appear on Rush's show, it was hard to tell which bedraggled outcast was more enamored of the other's "leadership" skills:
RUSH: Senator Cruz, we welcome you to the EIB microphone and the program. It's great to have you here, sir.
CRUZ: Rush, it's fantastic to be with you.
RUSH: I have to tell you, I've had so many people... I've been off the past couple of days, but while this has been going on, I've had so many people e-mail me so uplifted by what you did in the last 21 hours and what you did leading up to it. So many people are so happy that there finally is some leadership. They're so happy that, finally, somebody is doing in Washington what they were elected to do, what they said they were going to do. And I just wanted to say, before we started: I'm sure you're hearing much same thing, but I wanted you to know that while you're getting all these arrows as pioneers do, there's a lot of appreciation and a lot of love for what you're doing out there.
CRUZ: Well, Rush, thank you so much. Thank you for that encouragement, and thank you for your leadership. You know, I really hope that over the course of this week we'll see more and more Republicans step forward. We had quite a few Republicans come down to the floor and support the effort, and I hope we'll see as many Republicans as possible, and even some Democrats, come together and listen to the American people. As you know... Every week, you talk to 20 million Americans. You know where the American people are on this, and it's not a close call. Obamacare isn't working and millions of Americans are hurting, and if the Senate just listened to the American people, we'll do the right thing and we'll vote to defund it.
After high-fiving each other over their conservative chops, Limbaugh had to take a break (to air barrel-bottom commercials brought to you by StopRush). Limbaugh asked Senator Cruz if he'd mind waiting on hold. The senator replied
"I'm here for as long as you like."
And as they went to break, it may have been simply the sigh of a man exhausted by working all night to preserve the constitution 21 hours of reading Green Eggs and Ham, but it almost sounded like Cruz wistfully whispered "You're all I have, El Rushbo. You're all I have."
Decent folks who believe in tolerance and equality are no longer powerless against Limbaugh's efforts to spread intolerance on the radio. StopRush is making a major impact by convincing advertisers on this show to withdraw their ads--and with your help we can do even more. Just a few emails, tweets, or Facebook messages a week to Limbaugh's advertisers can go a long way toward making hatred less profitable. It is our collective voice that makes us strong.
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2013/09/25/1241304/-Ted-Cruz-Cures-Rush-Limbaugh-s-Erectile-Dysfunction
Right around 12 pm EST today, Party of One Ted Cruz wrapped up his pointless nonfilibuster so he could appear on the Rush Limbaugh Show.
The right wing talk show host is the poster boy for limp noodles, having been detained for having someone else's name on his Viagra prescription and running loads of ads for pecker pills on his floundering radio program.
But not today.
Limbaugh was audibly aroused as he waited for the Texas senator to join him:
"It's not theater. This is real. This is about freedom. I know to a lot of people that sounds corny. 'Freedom, come on, Rush, our freedom isn't threatened.' Oh, but it is. In ever so small, incremental losses, it is. It's what Obamacare is all about. It's precisely what Obamacare is all about, the loss of individual freedom, the loss of free markets. Ted Cruz is fighting for freedom in the greatest tradition of American freedom fighters."
Only George Washington's greatest accomplishment wasn't staying up all night talking Duck Dynasty and White Castle burgers on C-SPAN.
Cruz and Limbaugh actually have quite a lot in common. Both of them have become increasingly marginalized--Limbaugh continuing to pitch his 1950s racist, sexist schtick to a dwindling audience because it's the only skill he has, and Cruz shrilly pushing his Tea Party agenda to the point where GOP mainstays like John "Grumpy Gramps" McCain "fucking hates" him, according to a McCain adviser.
On Tuesday evening, as the senator prattled on and on to an empty chamber--abandoned by most of his GOP colleages--The Daily Show's Jon Stewart lambasted Cruz's claim that Obamacare will cause subsidy addiction:
"You know how America is with entitlements — it’s like crack to us. You give us one small taste of Social Security, and suddenly we’re all sucking the glass dick of not having our old people freeze to death and live off of cat food."
Stewart also showed a clip from a $750,000 campaign to scare young people into opting out of health care by cynically preying on their fear of rectal exams:
But I digress.
When Cruz eventually did appear on Rush's show, it was hard to tell which bedraggled outcast was more enamored of the other's "leadership" skills:
RUSH: Senator Cruz, we welcome you to the EIB microphone and the program. It's great to have you here, sir.
CRUZ: Rush, it's fantastic to be with you.
RUSH: I have to tell you, I've had so many people... I've been off the past couple of days, but while this has been going on, I've had so many people e-mail me so uplifted by what you did in the last 21 hours and what you did leading up to it. So many people are so happy that there finally is some leadership. They're so happy that, finally, somebody is doing in Washington what they were elected to do, what they said they were going to do. And I just wanted to say, before we started: I'm sure you're hearing much same thing, but I wanted you to know that while you're getting all these arrows as pioneers do, there's a lot of appreciation and a lot of love for what you're doing out there.
CRUZ: Well, Rush, thank you so much. Thank you for that encouragement, and thank you for your leadership. You know, I really hope that over the course of this week we'll see more and more Republicans step forward. We had quite a few Republicans come down to the floor and support the effort, and I hope we'll see as many Republicans as possible, and even some Democrats, come together and listen to the American people. As you know... Every week, you talk to 20 million Americans. You know where the American people are on this, and it's not a close call. Obamacare isn't working and millions of Americans are hurting, and if the Senate just listened to the American people, we'll do the right thing and we'll vote to defund it.
After high-fiving each other over their conservative chops, Limbaugh had to take a break (to air barrel-bottom commercials brought to you by StopRush). Limbaugh asked Senator Cruz if he'd mind waiting on hold. The senator replied
"I'm here for as long as you like."
And as they went to break, it may have been simply the sigh of a man exhausted by working all night to preserve the constitution 21 hours of reading Green Eggs and Ham, but it almost sounded like Cruz wistfully whispered "You're all I have, El Rushbo. You're all I have."
Decent folks who believe in tolerance and equality are no longer powerless against Limbaugh's efforts to spread intolerance on the radio. StopRush is making a major impact by convincing advertisers on this show to withdraw their ads--and with your help we can do even more. Just a few emails, tweets, or Facebook messages a week to Limbaugh's advertisers can go a long way toward making hatred less profitable. It is our collective voice that makes us strong.
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2013/09/25/1241304/-Ted-Cruz-Cures-Rush-Limbaugh-s-Erectile-Dysfunction
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