Monday, August 27, 2012 6:07:10 PM
Are you ready to get shitfaced?
Sunday Late Night: 2012 RNC Drinking Game
This year’s Republican National Convention (the GOP-klatch) has a number of memorable high and low points to recommend it; first of all, may I point to Katrina’s Revenge again this year? Apparently there will no longer be hurricane-unaffected GOP-klatches in America’s future. And these people, who planned a national convention in hurricane season for Tampa, want America’s nuclear launch codes?
I’ve established “drink” trigger words within various levels. One must know one’s limits, one’s goals, and one’s drink of choice for the event.
If your goal is to be plastered before the end of the single hour of network news coverage provided for this idiotic campaign commercial, I recommend choosing one (or more!) of the following take-a-drink words:
JESUS CHRIST
FREEDOM
SANCTITY OF LIFE
CHILDREN
AMERICA’S FIGHTING MEN AND WOMEN
SOCIALIST
RONALD REAGAN
CAPITALISM
LOWER TAXES
NANCY PELOSI
DROUGHT (in the context of BARACK OBAMA, BLAME FOR)
If you’d like a nice buzz to carry you through the cable gabfests but want to be seriously shitfaced by the time the gavel bangs and Rachel turns to Melissa Harris-Perry and Chris Hayes for the nineteenth time that evening to ask, “So, Melissa, what does this convention mean for single African-American women?” I suggest choosing one of these slightly more rare words or phrases. Likely they’ll appear hourly but not often enough to send you to the ABC store before it closes of an evening:
CHARTER SCHOOL
PUBLIC UNIONS
IMMIGRATION
CLIMATE CHANGE (in the context of “HOAX,” while Isaac wails outside the hall)
JOE BIDEN
CONGRESS (in the context of “USEFULNESS THEREOF”)
HARRY REID
AFGHANISTAN
LATINO
WISCONSIN
Finally, for those of you working on your 30-day chip from the friends of Bill W., there are some safe words that ensure you’ll be as sober as a Mormon Bishop every single night. I propose you embrace these “drinking” words. You’re not likely to hear them from the podium in Tampa at all, at least not during the carefully orchestrated “no crazy uncle Ron” portion of the network news broadcast.
GEORGE W BUSH
RICHARD B “DICK” CHENEY
MARY CHENEY
SARAH PALIN
LGBT (except in the context of “Democrats beholden to the pedophile lobby”)
OSAMA BIN LADEN
LARRY CRAIG
CHARLIE CRIST
AYN RAND
9/11
Imbibe responsibly, if you must. Remember: empty bottles go in the green recycling bin; rolled up socks go at the TV screen. Please don’t mix these up!
Know this, though — acknowledging your problem is the first step in conquering it. A really good step in that direction might be simply turning off your television.
http://firedoglake.com/2012/08/26/sunday-late-night-2012-rnc-drinking-game/
Sunday Late Night: 2012 RNC Drinking Game
This year’s Republican National Convention (the GOP-klatch) has a number of memorable high and low points to recommend it; first of all, may I point to Katrina’s Revenge again this year? Apparently there will no longer be hurricane-unaffected GOP-klatches in America’s future. And these people, who planned a national convention in hurricane season for Tampa, want America’s nuclear launch codes?
I’ve established “drink” trigger words within various levels. One must know one’s limits, one’s goals, and one’s drink of choice for the event.
If your goal is to be plastered before the end of the single hour of network news coverage provided for this idiotic campaign commercial, I recommend choosing one (or more!) of the following take-a-drink words:
JESUS CHRIST
FREEDOM
SANCTITY OF LIFE
CHILDREN
AMERICA’S FIGHTING MEN AND WOMEN
SOCIALIST
RONALD REAGAN
CAPITALISM
LOWER TAXES
NANCY PELOSI
DROUGHT (in the context of BARACK OBAMA, BLAME FOR)
If you’d like a nice buzz to carry you through the cable gabfests but want to be seriously shitfaced by the time the gavel bangs and Rachel turns to Melissa Harris-Perry and Chris Hayes for the nineteenth time that evening to ask, “So, Melissa, what does this convention mean for single African-American women?” I suggest choosing one of these slightly more rare words or phrases. Likely they’ll appear hourly but not often enough to send you to the ABC store before it closes of an evening:
CHARTER SCHOOL
PUBLIC UNIONS
IMMIGRATION
CLIMATE CHANGE (in the context of “HOAX,” while Isaac wails outside the hall)
JOE BIDEN
CONGRESS (in the context of “USEFULNESS THEREOF”)
HARRY REID
AFGHANISTAN
LATINO
WISCONSIN
Finally, for those of you working on your 30-day chip from the friends of Bill W., there are some safe words that ensure you’ll be as sober as a Mormon Bishop every single night. I propose you embrace these “drinking” words. You’re not likely to hear them from the podium in Tampa at all, at least not during the carefully orchestrated “no crazy uncle Ron” portion of the network news broadcast.
GEORGE W BUSH
RICHARD B “DICK” CHENEY
MARY CHENEY
SARAH PALIN
LGBT (except in the context of “Democrats beholden to the pedophile lobby”)
OSAMA BIN LADEN
LARRY CRAIG
CHARLIE CRIST
AYN RAND
9/11
Imbibe responsibly, if you must. Remember: empty bottles go in the green recycling bin; rolled up socks go at the TV screen. Please don’t mix these up!
Know this, though — acknowledging your problem is the first step in conquering it. A really good step in that direction might be simply turning off your television.
http://firedoglake.com/2012/08/26/sunday-late-night-2012-rnc-drinking-game/
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