Frankly, Sinatra, I Don't Give A Damn
by Stilton Jarlsberg
\ Hard to believe she's still using air that should have been Tom Petty's.
Following the horrific massacre in Las Vegas, decrepit former entertainer Nancy "These Boobs Were Made For Sagging" Sinatra has come up with a brilliantly simple way to permanently end gun violence in our nation.
Specifically, she wants all five million members of the NRA to be lined up against a wall and shot to death by firing squads. Granted, this would have absolutely no effect on criminal gun violence in our country, but the massive domestic holocaust would at least temporarily slake the bottomless blood lust of those on the Left and (bonus!) get them to support funding for Trump's really big wall so they can have someplace to line up so many citizens.
There could also be a positive little bump in the nation's textile industry which would need to quickly provide five million blindfolds to those who would rather not accidentally gaze on Nancy Sinatra's smug, withered visage before they're executed.
Since Ms. Sinatra is clearly clueless, we'd like to give her one: genocidal fascists like you are the reason that good people want guns, and the reason that the NRA exists to protect them from your murderous, anti-constitutional impulses.
BONUS: NO DOOR PRIZE
\ Actually, "Fog" wasn't the first F-word we thought of...
As a quick followup to Wednesday's post, here is our new super-duper, energy efficient, double-paned back door from Jeld-wen.
We have been informed by Jeld-wen that the door is functioning perfectly despite being obscured by condensation (currently on the outside of the door, but which will conveniently fog over on the inside come Winter). No other glass in the house is doing this.
One might think that consumers would buy a glass door for the purpose of, oh, seeing through it - but Jeld-wen assures us that such consumers are drooling idiots of the type not protected by any warranty ("The fault is yours, sir, for buying the wrong product"). Because according to Jeld-wen, the true purpose of glass is to prevent deadly global warming-induced ultra violet radiation from penetrating into our home in case the world tips on its axis and our north-facing door is suddenly getting blasted by direct exposure to solar rays from Canada.
To their credit, Jeld-wen acknowledges on their website that condensation can be a problem. They even have a video which suggests that the condition can be mitigated by turning up the heat on your furnace and pointing an electric fan at the condensation (in our case, by running a fan outside). These are, charitably speaking, odd ways of attaining "energy efficiency."
A less than helpful representative of Jeld-wen assured us that there is nothing we can do other than to accept this interesting quirk of their excellent product, and we suppose they're right. And just to prove there are no hard feelings, we'd like all Stilton's Place readers who are considering building, remodeling, or doing window replacement to think first of Jeld-wen doors and windows if they've previously found their utility bills to be too low, and standard glass to be just too damned clear most of the time. http://stiltonsplace.blogspot.com/