-I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates."
-I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
-Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
-Half the people you know are below average.
-99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
-A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
-All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
-The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
-I almost had a psychic girlfriend... but she left me before we met.
-OK, so what's the speed of dark?
-How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
-If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
-Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
-When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
-Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
-Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
-I intend to live forever... So far, so good.
-Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
-If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
