Any Good Jokes?

[SHORENUFFSTUFF]

Nothing like seeing a spider on the ceiling...
to make you realize you don't need a nap anyway.

Welcome to Hypochondriac Club.
First…oh, Kim looks a bit pale. Kim you shouldn't have come if you're sick. Now I feel pale, do I look pale?

No trip to Home Depot is complete...
without at least two more trips to Home Depot for what you
didn't know you needed to buy the first time.

“I Will Un-stick These Freaking Grocery Carts If It Kills Me”.
I'm getting rave reviews from fellow shoppers.

I put a potato in my pants to impress a girl.
Next time I'll put it down the front.

The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking.

I just started dating Little Red Riding Hood's grandma.
She's an animal in bed.

I get nervous on first dates....................
which is silly because that's the only kind I ever have.