I'm offering a $1,000 reward…
to anyone who brings me $1,000 and two tacos.
WARNING:
There isn't nearly as much beer in the wilderness as
Coors commercials lead you to believe.
The USA, having so many disasters and tragedies you'd almost think
it was built on thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.
Hot singles in your area…
think your friend is really cute.
If I were Luke Skywalker…
it would have taken me about six minutes to turn R2-D2 into a bong.
I've found that whenever God closes a door…
Satan hands me a lock pick.
Doctor: "Have you ever been bedridden?"
Old lady: "Yes, hundreds of times..............and once I was taken over a dining room table !"
My granny entered a contest for most
prominent veins. She didn't win, but she came varicose.
Ok, I followed your advice and kept my day job.
But, my jokes still haven't improved.
