My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives.
I said, “No, I don’t hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine.”
I used to know a psychic with amnesia.
He knew in advance what he was going to forget.
I used to be a member of the secret cooking society.
They kicked me out for spilling the beans.
What should you do if you see a New Yorker jogging?
Trip him up and give the lady's purse back to her.
Remember, in New York it's bad manners to lie
down inside someone else's chalk body outline.
The New York City Marathon is the only marathon
in the world where the starter's gun gets return fire.
You're probably a New Yorker if.................
you consider eye contact an overt act of aggression.
Tourist in New York: "Excuse me, could you tell me how to get to the Empire State Building, or should I go fuck myself again?"
What would happen if a tourist in New York City
were to be treated nicely by a New Yorker?
No one knows. It's never happened.
