Any Good Jokes?

[SHORENUFFSTUFF]

At any given time…
I know more about the whereabouts of my Amazon packages than I do any member of my extended family.

Don't underestimate me…
that's my wife’s job.

"Do you like camping?"
- my retirement adviser

I've got a lot on my plate right now.
And I didn't order ANY of it.

Based on the sounds coming from my neighbors’...
they’re either having amazing sex or putting together a dresser from Ikea.

Car commercials… grossly overestimate
how much time I spend driving around in the desert.

Where do babies comes from?
Well son, when a man and a woman love each other very much they make poor decisions.

Whatever you think you're good at…
there's a 7 year old kid on YouTube doing it better.