NEWS!!! NEWS!!! NEWS!!!
05 August 2017 (Santa Monica) - Latest reports from the Los Angeles County Office of the Coroner is that the condition of Robert H. Lorsch is unchanged and remains stable at this hour. His ashes are scattered over approximately 74,000 square miles of the central Pacific ocean per the latest USGC current and tide estimations since injection via the sludge pipe of the Hyperion wastewater treatment facility into Santa Monica bay in June.
MMRGlobal, Inc. has nott made any public statements about whether Mr. Lorsch will remain its CEO or be replaced by some other stooge, crook, and/or douchebag.
The UCLA Ronald Reagan Hospital and Joaquin's Casa de Funeral were unable to provide any estimates of if or when Lorsch's condition might be upgraded. However, the Estado Libre y Soberano de Baja California has advised all coastal residents of Baja California to refrain from eating shellfish from local waters for health reasons until the ashes of Mr. Lorsch have passed from the continental shelf into the deep ocean depths.
Mr. Lorsch did not respond to our requests for comment on this article.
