Any Good Jokes?

[SHORENUFFSTUFF]

My wife hates the sight of me when I'm drunk.
And I hate the sight of her when I'm sober.

My drinking is getting out of hand.
I dropped two pitchers of beer last night at the tavern.

What device tells you you've had too
much to drink? A karaoke machine.

I wouldn't call myself a steady drinker.
My hands shake too much.

A drunk staggers into an AA meeting.
A member asks: "Are you here to join?"
"No," says the drunk, "I've come to resign."