Any Good Jokes?

[SHORENUFFSTUFF]

I needed to measure my waist, but I couldn't
find a tape measure anywhere. So I just shoved a ruler up my ass and multiplied it by pi.

My wife says I blame other people too easily
and never take responsibility for my own actions.
It's not my fault though - it runs in my family.

CNN breaking news:
"Pilot walks away from serious crash." What a bastard. You'd think he would have stayed and helped out.

All this growing up stuff is getting old!