Remember, parents: your children look to you for guidance…kids are dumb like that. R.I.P boiling water, you will be mist. My wife just texted "I'm too young to die"… after they announced her United flight is overbooked. PEPSI: We made the biggest PR blunder of the yr. UNITED: Hold my beer. How long are you supposed to wait… before you un-pause the TV after your wife tells you she wants a divorce?