Any Good Jokes?

[SHORENUFFSTUFF]

It must've been tough being a magician in the 15th century.
"Is this your card?"
"Burn him! Burn the witch!!"

Getting old sucks.
I use to wake up feeling like a million bucks.
Now I feel more like a bounced check.

When I die, I can't decide to be cremated or buried.
I guess you could say I don't know my ash from a hole in the ground.

Q. What's the biggest crime committed by transvestites?
A. Male fraud

In my day, we couldn't afford shoes, so we went barefoot. In winter, we had to wrap our feet with barbed wire for traction.

I've got to remember to tie a string around my finger!

Shout-out to nature for not giving wings to snakes.