My ex-girlfriend tried to humiliate me by telling all her friends I was terrible in bed. …
Imagine her surprise when they all disagreed...
I helped organize my boss’s funeral this week.
I collected Donations, Bought the Flowers, Picked out the Coffin, and reserved a plot at the cemetery.
Now I just have to wait for the bastard to Die.
Steve Jobs would have been a better president than Trump.
But that's just like comparing Apples to Oranges.
I asked my upstairs neighbor to split my internet cost, and we could share it.
He accepted. I asked my downstairs neighbor the same thing.
Now I have free Internet!
I want to buy a DeLorean...
I will only drive it from time to time.
That "joke" was so bad...
Nicholas Cage wants to make a movie about it.
What's a 'moderation, and how do I drink in one?
I'm not signing up for the 401k,
there's no way I can run that far.
All of our friends were having babies,
so my wife and I decided we might as well go ahead and get new friends.
Getting my taxes done the other day and the account told me this story.
A middle aged couple had listed there daughter name as La-a.
He asked " your daughters name is La a?"
They said " no Ladasha".
I like to have dessert first, then the entree, and then salad.
I've been told I have an eating disorder.
I'm tired of watching my team from the sidelines
It's time I made a stand.
