Excel's Coffee Shop

[trkyhntr]

A Saturday morning laugher for you, excel.

Some of these are a real hoot .have fun reading them!  They really walk among us.
 
 BRAIN  CRAMPS  ?
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(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's  Heather Whitestone w as selected as Miss America 1995.) ?Question: If you could live forever,  would you and why? ?Answer: "I would not live  forever, because we should not ?live forever, because if we were  supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live  forever, which is why I would not live forever," ?--Miss Alabama in  the 1994 Miss >USA contest .??``````````````````````````````````

??"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." ?--Mariah Carey   ??````````````  ??"

Smoking kills. If you're killed,  you've lost a very ?important part of your life," ?-- Brooke  Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal  antii-smoking campaign .  ??`````````````````````````````````````````````````???

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of  my body," ?-- Winston Bennett, ?University of Kentucky  ba sketball forward .  ??`````````````````````````````````````````````  ???

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the  lowest crime rates in th e country," ?--Mayor Marion Barry,  Washington , DC  ??````````````````````````````````````````````````````  ??

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"   ?--A congressional candidate in Texas ??````````````````````````````   ??

"Half this game is ninety percent mental."?--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark  ?``````````````````````````````````

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing  it."
--Al Gore, Vice President

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"I love California . I practically  grew up in Phoenix "  
-- Dan  Quayle

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"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need ?"
--Lee  Iacocca

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"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius  is a guy like Norman Einstein." --Joe Theisman, NFL football  quarterback & sports analyst.  

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"We don't necessarily discriminate.  We simply exclude certain types of people."
--Colonel Gerald  Wellman, ROTC Instructor .  

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"Traditionally, most of Australia's  imports come from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery

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"Your food stamps will be stopped effective
March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Green! ville ,  SSouth Carolina

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"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack
in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor  their
heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when
they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC  Chairman