Any Good Jokes?

[SHORENUFFSTUFF]

Had to be a woman who first coined the phrase...
"severance package." No guy is putting those two words so close to each other.

If you pack an acid-laced brownie in your lunch…
you can quickly identify the employee who’s stealing all the food from the fridge.

Life is not a fairy tale.
If you lose your shoes at midnight…YOU ARE DRUNK.

Food Network makes me feel like a perv:
Beat it
It's not moist enough
My wrist is tired
Look how thick it's getting

It's like my pastor always says,
"Who are you and why are you stealing wine?"

Newton's little known fourth law of motion…
A room in motion will stay in motion until you sober up.

Turns out if your grandmother dies…
more than 6 times in a year, HR will start to question your request for time off.

My four year old planted 25¢ in the garden...
and said a money tree is going to grow there. I laughed…but water it at night just in case.