I had to cancel my appointment at the impotence clinic today. Something came up. Archaeologists just dug up a book called Irish Dancing Part Two: What To Do With Your Arms. My cosmetic surgery may have gone wrong, but I'm smiling on the inside. The Pope took a huge dump in the Vatican bathroom today. Holy crap ! Me: "You're like a drug to me." Wife: "You mean I'm addictive." Me: "No. I mean I can only take you in small doses."