Any Good Jokes?

[SHORENUFFSTUFF]

You can’t buy Hot Pockets, you can only buy cold pockets, you are expected to supply the heat yourself. DON’T BELIEVE THE LIES!

Her: Are you getting off early today?
Me: GEEZ, THAT ONLY HAPPENED ONE TIME!

Did you know that you can tell the gender...
of an ant by throwing it in water?
If it sinks = girl ant.
If it floats = buoyant.

"The first guy to suggest peeing...
on a jellyfish sting was called a pervert, but it worked", I said to my wife as she complained of a toothache.

The ending for Toy Story 3…
only Andy sells his toys to get weed money and makes a bong out of Mr. Potato Head.

Browser history repeats itself.

Amazon thinks my recent humidifier purchase...
was merely the inaugural move in a newfound hobby of humidifier collecting.

Che Guevara was such a revolutionary…
he revolutionized t-shirt sales.

Could have been porn titles:
Free Willy
Fast and Furious
Knocked Up
Scream
Up
How To Train Your Dragon
Great Expectations
Rear Window
Gone In Sixty seconds
The Dark Knight Rises
There Will Be Blood