Any Good Jokes?

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Groucho Marx Quotes

Why should I care about posterity? What’s posterity ever done for me?

Blonde: "Groucho, you're an interesting man."
Groucho: "Could you wash out a pair of socks for me?"
Blonde: "Well, THAT'S a surprise!"
Groucho: "A surprise to YOU, but it's been on MY mind for WEEKS."

I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.

There’s one way to find out if a man is honest – ask him. If he says, ‘Yes,’ you know he is a crook.

She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.

Before I speak, I have something important to say.

Please accept my resignation. I don’t care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

Room service? Send up a larger room.

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.