Any Good Jokes?

[SHORENUFFSTUFF]

Recruiter: "What are your best qualities?"
Me: "My motivational skills. At my last job, everyone always said they had to work twice as hard when I was around."

Boss: "How long have you worked here?"
Me: "Ever since you threatened to fire me."

Definition of a tree: Something that stands still for 70 years, then suddenly jumps out in front of a woman driver.

If your dog is barking at the back door
and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog. At least he'll stop after you let him in.