Any Good Jokes?

[SHORENUFFSTUFF]

I once had a wooden car that had wooden
wheels and a wooden engine. It wooden start.

I pulled my wife bleeding from our wrecked
car as she screamed and pleaded for me to......................let her have one more shot at parking it.

An increased terrorism threat has forced
Australia to raise its security threat from "No worries,mate" to "We may need to cancel the barbie."

Archaeologists have discovered a toilet which
they think was constructed between 500 and 400 BC. Apparently,even back then plumbers took their time.

What do they say at an Amish celebration?
"Tonight we're going to party like it's 1699."