Funny quotes, theatre & critics
Last time I performed, my name was so low on the programme, I was getting orders for the printing./Frank Carson
Mary Martin is okay, if you like talent./Ethel Merman
A woman, complimenting me on my act one night, told me she hadn't laughed so much since her husband died./Victor Borge
Michael Caine can out-act any, well, nearly any, telephone kiosk you care to mention./Hugh Leonard
Steve Martin has basically one joke, and he's it./Dave Felton
Mae West was a plumber's idea of Cleopatra./W.C. Fields
Drama critics are there to show gay actors what it's like to have a wife./Hugh Leonard
Nudity on stage? I think it's disgusting! But, if I were twenty-two with a great body, it would be artistic, tasteful, patriotic, and a religious experience./Shelley Winters
George Burns is old enough to be his father./Red Buttons
As an actress, her only flair is in her nostrils./Pauline Kael
Edward Woodward. His name sounds like someone farting in the bath./Noel Coward
If this play lasts overnight, it should not only be considered a long run, but a revival as well./Alexander Woollcott
Mary Poppins is unsupercalifragilisticexpialidocious./Gilbert Adair
Critics are just eunuchs at a gang bang./George Burns
Acting is just shouting in the evening./Patrick Troughton
