Tornado Alley (PROG)

[DesertDrifter]

This is written in the voice of Agent Orange/Dollhands Donnie as to his thought process. In reality, he would never be able to string together this many complete thoughts in a row:

I'll explain this once, and that's it:

All the experts knew Hillary was going to win this time, and that you get to keep all your super PAC money if you lose, so 17 people decided to run because that's just free money. I needed a boost in my real estate business because I'm actually worth much less than I claim.

Once I was in, it was just a numbers game. 30% of Republicans are racist, so if I say a bunch of racist things, I can get 30% in a field of 17. That's yuuuge! Everyone else looked pathetic as they dropped out one by one. This also gave the appearance that I was the most popular candidate, and with all the free airtime from the idiotic media, I really didn't have to do anything but keep being racist and offensive until I won the primary.

Now that I got the nomination, I know I still don't have a chance because I can't win moderates or minorities (or even half my own party), so really, the best I can hope for is a lot of fundraising until the election, and I'll just be focusing on using this free megaphone to tell everyone my struggle until then.

And yes, the electoral college favors Democrats as they basically start with 242 guaranteed votes (verses 104 for us), so I won't even come close to winning, but that's actually good. I would make a TERRIBLE president, the job pays very little, and I would almost certainly get caught in an impeachable scandal my first year, but that's okay. This way, I will have tons more fame, way more money, and a following of millions of hardline racists that will believe any idiotic thing I say without a shred of evidence, and if the Koch brothers come up with a big enough secret payment, I might even drop out and let them have Paul Ryan. Who knows?

Bottom line, I never really wanted to be president, and this is a win/win for me. If you don't want people to take advantage of you, don't have such a stupid political system, and our election laws are stupid af, that I can tell you.

https://www.facebook.com/TheDonaldUTrump/ (it's a joke, or is it?) Presidential Politics for Profit is the perfect fertile ground for con men grifters.