'You're beautiful and I love you," I yelled as I stood alone on the cliff, and my echo replied "I just want to be friends."
Oh yeah!! Well, if smoking weed destroys your short-term memory, then what does smoking weed do?
As I walk through the valley of the Shadow of Death, I remind myself that you can't always trust Google Maps.
Next time you order coffee at Starbucks tell them your name is Bueller and then leave the store.
Dentist: this is gonna hurt a little bit
Me: ok
Dentist: I've been sleeping with your mom
No matter which kids book I read to my screaming baby on an airplane, the moral of the story is always something about a vasectomy.
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like 10, so you can choose.
Can't be an atheist after getting in a subway car with no a/c because u now know hell is real
Funny how many articles end in "continued on page”
I crave feet in the sand, a gentle ocean breeze, the sun on my face, and two entirely new presidential candidates.
There was a fire at the Yankee Candle store. 8 killed. 19 injured. 1200 soothed.
I saved time doing yard work by renaming the weeds "plants"
