Any Good Jokes?

[SHORENUFFSTUFF]

A TV weatherman broke both his arms and legs.
He had to call in from the hospital to explain the four casts.

A friend of mine lost a leg after ignoring
a shark warning. I'll bet he's kicking himself now.

After I lost both hands in an industrial
accident, my wife is getting frustrated. She's a palm reader and wants to know what happens next.

I had an accident at home today. I bent down to pick up a sieve and strained myself.

A truckload of onions overturned on the highway.
Motorists are advised to look for a hard shoulder to cry on.