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[Nabbbss]

Russian Scientist Injects Self with Frozen/Fossilized Bacteria...

...and within DAYS, transmogrifies into a horrid, monstrous creature
resembling a hodgepodge of The Fly, the Swamp Thing, the Alien,
and Cronenberg's "Thing."

The hideous creature was last seen devouring garbage cans, raccoons,
roof tiles and shingles, and handfuls of gravel while emitting vaporous
and foul-smelling gases from its nose and other nebulous orifices.

To date, only a blurred photograph of the monster shaking hands with
the Abominable Snowman somewhere deep in the Congo exists.

President Obama, asked to comment, stated, "This disgusting thing
is an expression of our Global dysfunction and strife, and is the
end-product of America's greed and warlike stance. I have notified
the NSA and the Pentagon to step-aside and allow this mutant beast
to freely express itself without being threatened by guns or the
bigotry of which we see so much of today. It's really nothing more
than that. Now...next question...uhhhmm...Julie Pace?"