Any Good Jokes?

[SHORENUFFSTUFF]

Wife says my helmet looks ridiculous,
but I’d rather be “uncool” than to fall and crack my head open in the middle of having sex.

That whole "letting go" of your ex…
would be more satisfying if they were dangling over a cliff.

Yes I love free spirits…
if by free spirits you mean an open bar.

I brought a laser pointer…
to the Broadway showing of “Cats” and created total mayhem.

The first thing I usually notice about women…
is the pepper spray.

Rihanna caught Chris Brown cheating on her…
he had another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.

A lady was spanking her kid for being a brat,
so I had to step in…and ask her if she needed me to hold her purse.

Married with Children…
was much funnier on TV.

Here's a FedEx joke…
actually, you'll get it tomorrow.

My favorite childhood memory is… not paying bills.

Glad I'm not a military general, because auto-correct just changed "lunch order" to "launch order."